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0:10 Brazil In the name of Allah, the Most 0:31 Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise 0:32 is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. O 0:33 Allah, bestow peace and blessings upon 0:35 our master Muhammad and upon the family 0:37 of our master Muhammad. Brothers and 0:38 sisters who are blessed by Allah 0:40 subhanahu wa ta'ala. Who can reach us 0:43 wherever you may be. Either through 0:47 Rasil visual, which is Rasil YouTube, 0:50 or through the listening stations in 0:52 your respective homes. Peace be upon 0:56 you, and the mercy of Allah and His 0:57 blessings. Hopefully, you are in good 1:00 health, and praise be to Allah, every 1:02 Friday morning Rasil presents "Women's 1:04 Fiqh" with our teacher, Ustazah Herlini 1:06 Amran. She is now here among us. Let us 1:10 greet her first. Peace be upon you, and 1:12 the mercy of Allah and His blessings, 1:14 Ustazah. 1:14 And peace be upon you, and the mercy of 1:16 Allah and His blessings. 1:18 All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the 1:19 worlds. Are you well, Ustazah? 1:21 Praise be to Allah. Wonderful. God is 1:24 the Greatest. What Allah has willed. 1:25 What Allah has willed. As usual. Praise 1:27 be to Allah. And Ustazah, for the next 1:30 90 minutes, the theme we will study 1:32 this afternoon is redefining the 1:34 meaning of marriage. It is very 1:37 important and the theme is very 1:38 interesting. Let us listen together, 1:40 please proceed, Ustazah. 1:41 Yes. In the name of Allah, the Most 1:43 Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be 1:45 to Allah. All praise is due to Allah 1:46 who has guided us. With the blessing of 1:50 brotherhood. O our Lord, all praise is 1:53 due to You for faith. O our Lord, all 1:55 praise is due to You for Islam. O our 1:57 Lord, all praise is due to You for the 1:59 Quran, all praise is due to You for our 2:01 family and possessions. O Allah, send 2:08 peace and blessings upon our master 2:10 Muhammad and his family and all his 2:12 companions, O Allah, we ask You for 2:14 Your pleasure and Paradise, and we seek 2:16 refuge in You from Your wrath and the 2:19 Fire, Amen, O Lord of the worlds. 2:22 Praise be to Allah, on this Friday, may 2:25 Allah grant us blessings, gifts, 2:28 affection, mercy, forgiveness, and all 2:31 good things. May Allah grant them to us 2:35 all, God willing. Amen, O Lord of the 2:36 worlds. We pray that our brothers 'and 2:40 sisters' households become harmonious 2:42 households that are peaceful, loving, 2:43 and merciful. Our children, our sons 2:48 and daughters who will eventually get 2:51 married and have a household, hopefully 2:54 they will find pious partners. Our 2:59 discussion theme this Friday afternoon 3:02 is redefining the meaning of marriage. 3:06 This is interesting, isn't it? Because 3:08 all this time, some understand the 3:10 meaning of marriage, and some do not. 3:12 Yes, what is the meaning of marriage? 3:15 Because sometimes marriage happens just 3:18 like that. Meet, like, love, then it is 3:22 legalized. So we do not want marriage 3:26 to be just a legalization of desire 3:28 before Allah without having any meaning 3:31 . Living in a household, having a 3:34 family, there must be many problems 3:37 within it, right? Because the bigger 3:41 the problems faced, the more the 3:43 resilience of a family is tested. 3:48 Because there are times when a family 3:51 succeeds in passing through household 3:53 problems, but sometimes it does not 3:56 continue. Therefore, let us redefine 4:00 the meaning of marriage. We are 4:03 starting now, yes. We are starting from 4:04 the beginning, yes. So, this means when 4:07 it comes to the wedding ceremony, our 4:09 discussion here is not just for 4:11 families who have been married for a 4:13 long time or are newly married, but 4:16 also for those who will be married in 4:18 the future. So the point is for all of 4:21 us, perhaps those who are already 4:23 grandparents, maybe for your children 4:25 or grandchildren who are about to marry 4:27 , or for the young people. The essence 4:30 is for us to redefine what the meaning 4:31 of marriage really is. Now, for example 4:33 , it is like this. When you are about 4:37 to marry, do not just look for a wife, 4:39 but look for a mother for our children. 4:43 Because if you just look for a wife, it 4:45 is often just about preference, just 4:47 for the sake of pleasure. But when we 4:49 look for a future mother for our 4:51 children, surely we will look for the 4:53 best. We want our children to be raised 4:57 by extraordinary mothers. Or, for 4:59 example, for a woman, if she is going 5:01 to marry, look for a husband. Not just 5:04 a husband, I mean look for a father for 5:06 our children. That is where it starts. 5:08 So it is something to be thought about 5:10 well in advance. As we know, the father 5:14 of Salahuddin Al-Ayyubi, the process of 5:16 finding a partner for him took quite a 5:19 long time. When many were presented, 5:23 the daughters of ministers and so on, 5:26 there was only one criterion; because 5:30 he wanted to find a future mother for 5:33 his child who would later conquer 5:35 Baitul Maqdis, or Palestine. So he 5:40 wanted to work hand-in-hand with his 5:43 wife to raise a child who would one day 5:46 reclaim Baitul Maqdis or Palestine. Now 5:49 , that is very forward-thinking, very 5:51 visionary. So to redefine the meaning 5:54 of marriage, for our children and our 5:57 families, at the very least, look for a 6:00 mother for our children or a father for 6:03 our children. Now, that is when you are 6:07 about to get married. What about when 6:10 you are going to propose? When 6:13 proposing, usually, according to Sharia 6:17 , a man visits the home of the 6:20 woman’s parents, the future wife’s 6:23 family, that is how it is usually done. 6:30 So when proposing, for you young men, 6:32 you are not asking the parents or the 6:35 guardian of the girl, but asking Allah 6:37 through the parents or the guardian of 6:39 the girl. So the parents are only 6:44 intermediaries. Basically, proposing is 6:47 asking Allah. Yes. Likewise when the 6:50 wedding ceremony takes place. When the 6:53 ceremony is before an official, we are 6:57 redefining the meaning of marriage. So 7:02 marrying before an official is 7:04 basically not just marrying before an 7:06 official, but in essence, marrying 7:08 before Allah. That is what is meant by* 7:13 mitsaqan ghalizan*, a solemn covenant, 7:16 a firm agreement. We know that when we 7:19 speak of*mitsaqan ghalizan*, it is not 7:21 something to be taken lightly. * 7:23 Mitsaqan ghalizan*is a solid, strong 7:26 bond. So basically, when someone gets 7:30 married with a marriage official 7:32 present, they are actually in the 7:34 presence of Allah, and Allah and His 7:36 angels are witnessing it. It is an 7:39 incredibly grand marriage. Even if we 7:43 look at the Qur'an, the term or phrase 7:45 "mitsaqan ghalizha" is only used for 7:47 three, what should I call them? Just 7:50 three points, yes. Three things, yes. 7:53 The first is the firm bond between a 7:57 husband and a wife. So, "mitsaqan 8:00 ghalizha" only appears in three places. 8:03 For husband and wife, for the Ulul Azmi 8:05 (the messengers of strong determination 8:07 ), and for the Children of Israel, the 8:09 Jews. So we know that marriage is 8:13 equated to the firm covenant made with 8:17 the prophets, with the Ulul Azmi. If we 8:22 look, for example, in which Surah is it 8:25 ? "And when We took from the prophets 8:29 their covenant and from you and from 8:31 Noah and Abraham and Moses and Jesus, 8:34 son of Mary; and We took from them a 8:36 solemn covenant." This is the firm 8:42 covenant in Surah Al-Ahzab. Yes, that 8:44 is when We took a firm covenant from 8:47 you, Prophet Noah, Prophet Abraham, 8:49 these are the Ulul Azmi. So, Allah 8:53 demanded a promise, a firm and strong 8:55 covenant, from the Ulul Azmi. Then also 8:59 , towards, what is it called? The 9:02 Children of Israel, a covenant towards 9:04 the Children of Israel. So that they 9:07 would obey Allah, when "wa rafna 9:09 fauqahumuth thur...""...wa akhadzna 9:13 minhum mitsaqan ghalizha.""...a solemn 9:16 covenant." So it is a covenant between 9:22 Allah and the Children of Israel. So 9:25 there are three covenants termed " 9:28 mitsaqan ghalizha" in the Qur'an: the 9:30 one between husband and wife, the firm 9:32 and strong one between Allah and the 9:35 prophets (Ulul Azmi), and the one with 9:37 the Children of Israel. So if we look, 9:42 Allah equates the covenant between 9:45 husband and wife with those of the 9:48 prophets, the Ulul Azmi, and the 9:50 Children of Israel. Yes. This means it 9:55 is equated here. If we see that Allah 9:57 equates them, it means this is not 9:59 something to be taken lightly. This is 10:02 an extraordinary covenant. What does it 10:04 mean? Betraying this covenant is the 10:08 same as betraying the covenant with 10:10 Allah. And we know that the Children of 10:14 Israel, the Jews, broke their covenant. 10:17 So they became betrayers. So a husband 10:20 or a married couple who do not uphold 10:23 this firm promise are the same as 10:25 betrayers. Betrayal in a household is a 10:27 heavy matter. So once again, the 10:31 purpose of marriage in Islam, during 10:34 the marriage contract, is not just 10:37 facing the official, but basically 10:39 facing Allah. Allah is the one who 10:42 witnesses what we have said. For 10:45 husbands, the men. They have promised 10:48 in the name of Allah to protect their 10:51 wives. A very firm covenant, a promise 10:56 made directly before Allah, and a 10:59 promise not to betray the marriage. 11:03 This is an agreement with very strict 11:05 consequences, binding a husband and 11:07 wife with rights and obligations. An 11:10 agreement equated to God's covenant 11:12 with the prophets and His people, the 11:14 Children of Israel. So don't take it 11:17 lightly, it is not merely to legitimize 11:19 carnal desires. But this is truly a 11:21 covenant between two humans before God. 11:25 Now, if we have made a promise before 11:27 God, the question is, is it fitting to 11:29 break it? Is it fitting for us to break 11:35 this bond just like that, without any 11:38 real cause or primary trigger? Only 11:43 because of misunderstanding, ignorance, 11:45 or lack of knowledge, we just end it. 11:48 That is very naive. When someone 11:52 performs a marriage ceremony with 11:54 careful planning, involving many people 11:56 and parties, the whole village is in an 11:58 uproar. Is it appropriate, is it 12:02 reasonable, if it is ended just like 12:04 that via WhatsApp? May God forbid. This 12:07 is extraordinary. So once again, this 12:10 marriage is a covenant between two 12:13 human beings and God, the Creator. It 12:17 is inappropriate to break such a firm 12:20 covenant. Yes, in the process of 12:23 carrying out this covenant, many trials 12:25 will surely arise. There will 12:27 definitely be trials. Because Satan 12:29 does not want and does not like it when 12:31 humans keep their promises to God. So 12:34 all kinds of temptations are created. 12:36 Yes. So once again, marriage is not 12:39 just any promise. Because marriage, 12:42 which is not just any promise, will 12:44 determine our position before God. Yes. 12:49 When someone betrays their marriage, 12:51 they are cursed just as the Jews of the 12:53 Children of Israel betrayed their 12:54 covenant. May God forbid. My goodness, 12:57 this is extraordinary, Miss. Yes. So, 12:59 in essence, facing the marriage 13:00 official is not just about facing an 13:02 official. Basically, they are facing 13:04 God. They are making a firm covenant 13:07 before God. Just like when we pray, 13:10 Miss, when there is a sutrah in front 13:12 of us, it does not mean we pray facing 13:14 the sutrah, whatever it may be. But 13:16 basically, we are facing God. There is 13:20 God before us whom we worship, right? 13:23 Well, that is redefining the meaning of 13:26 marriage. Then, at the wedding 13:30 reception, for the walimah, we invite 13:33 many people; the more acquaintances and 13:36 relatives you have, the more 13:38 invitations you send, and with a larger 13:41 budget, more people are invited. Now, 13:46 at the wedding reception or walimah, 13:49 count every guest who came to pray for 13:53 you. Because they come with prayers, 13:56 right? Because you who are getting 14:00 married must think about inviting them 14:02 all and apologize if you think about 14:04 divorcing, because you are wasting 14:07 their prayers. How amazing their 14:10 prayers are. But sometimes there are 14:12 those who don't understand the prayers 14:13 either. They don't even pray for you. 14:15 Whereas the Sunnah is the prayer, " 14:17 Barakallahu laka wa baraka alaika wa 14:19 jama'a bainakuma fii khair," right? May 14:23 God grant you blessings. So, this 14:26 sunnah is to be prayed for with the 14:27 blessing of ziadatul khair, for 14:28 everything to be full of blessings. Now 14:31 , if a desire to divorce arises at some 14:35 point due to one thing or another, try 14:38 to rethink it. People have prayed for 14:41 us, and surely, God, it is 14:43 extraordinary. That is why this food, 14:46 this is extraordinary. Never even think 14:49 about it. Even abghadul halal indallah 14:52 at-talaq, the halal act that is hated 14:54 by Allah. Allah does not like it. We 14:57 certainly do not want to earn Allah's 14:59 hatred, right? So do not do it. Except 15:02 fihi ad-dharurah. Unless there are 15:04 urgent matters. Ad-dharuratu tubihul 15:07 mahzhurat. Emergency actions, emergency 15:09 situations certainly exist because 15:11 there are causes that allow forbidden 15:13 things. So, divorce is indeed hated by 15:15 Allah, but it is permissible, so hold 15:17 on a minute. It does not mean it should 15:20 just be left like that. That is why the 15:23 right to divorce is in the hands of the 15:25 man. Because men are rational, right? 15:27 He thinks it over. If the right to 15:29 divorce were given to women, maybe they 15:30 would divorce every single day. "I 15:32 don't like my husband, let's divorce."" 15:35 I divorce you." 15:35 Sulking, divorce. Sulking, divorce. 15:37 Sulking, divorce. So that is it. So, 15:39 try to remember that many people have 15:43 prayed for us. Now, is it really that 15:46 easy to say divorce, especially for men 15:48 , the husbands? Let us look at the 15:52 example of how it is not easy to 15:54 divorce. For instance, when a wife is 15:57 menstruating, it is not allowed to 15:59 initiate a divorce. Is that considered 16:02 what? A sin, it is not allowed. That is 16:05 why if you want to divorce your wife, 16:07 it should be done with a calm mind. So 16:10 if you want to divorce, ask first, "Are 16:12 you menstruating?" If so, then do not 16:14 do it yet. So there should be no one 16:16 divorcing out of emotion. That is why 16:18 fathers, men, our sons, our youth must 16:21 understand the meaning of marriage. Now 16:25 , then, starting from the first night. 16:29 So, since the first night, do not 16:32 forget. Earlier, we mentioned being 16:34 prayed for, after the wedding there is 16:36 a prayer, right? Praying by placing a 16:38 hand on the forehead, on the woman's 16:40 head, praying for her. Sometimes some 16:43 people do not know, they do not 16:45 understand, so they do not do anything. 16:47 Even though it is good to follow the 16:49 sunnah. The man prays for the woman 16:51 after the wedding: "Allahumma inni 16:53 as'aluka khairaha wa khaira ma 16:54 jabaltaha 'alaihi, wa a'udhu bika min 16:56 sharriha wa sharri ma jabaltaha' alaihi 16:58 ." Meaning, these prayers are the 17:01 opening. Indeed, in Islam, the 17:03 Messenger of Allah taught us that 17:05 before doing any activity, do not 17:07 forget to pray to Allah so that what we 17:10 do is blessed, runs smoothly, and is 17:12 eased. Whatever it is, look at Islamic 17:15 teachings; before eating, pray first; 17:17 before sleeping, pray first; entering a 17:19 room. Everything in our daily lives, 17:22 even the small things, should always 17:23 begin with prayer. Especially for major 17:27 undertakings. MashaAllah. Marriage is 17:30 certainly not something to be taken 17:32 lightly. This marriage. We know that 17:36 this marriage is, well, an event that I 17:41 would call, what is it? What? Changing 17:46 civilization. Yes, marriage is not for 17:48 playing games. Marriage is meant to 17:52 give birth to a noble human 17:54 civilization for the future. So it is 17:57 clear that this marriage has a noble 17:59 and clear purpose, yes. Marriage is a 18:02 civilizational duty; although it is 18:04 just a bond between husband and wife, 18:07 from them, descendants will be born, 18:09 acting as the khalifatullah fil ard ( 18:11 stewards on earth). So marriage, once 18:15 again, is a civilizational task, a 18:18 means to form a dignified society, 18:20 nation, and state that gives birth to a 18:23 noble human civilization for the future 18:25 . So it is not just about falling in 18:28 love and getting married. Because if 18:30 not prepared, it may end in divorce, 18:32 and the children suffer. So it is clear 18:34 that marriage in Islam is a 18:36 civilizational duty, a natural duty to 18:39 prosper this earth, as the 18:41 khalifatullah fil ard. So, preparation 18:44 is needed. That is why Allah explains 18:49 that marriage is a part of His power, 18:52 greatness, and majesty by pairing us up 18:55 . Anfusikum azwaja litaskunu ilaiha 19:03 mawaddah; indeed, in that are signs for 19:06 those who reflect. So, marriage is not 19:10 to be trifled with. Therefore, marriage 19:12 truly requires knowledge. We must 19:16 rearrange our perspective on marriage, 19:19 that since the very first night, we 19:21 begin with prayers, including when 19:24 embarking on the household journey, 19:26 which is the longest act of worship in 19:29 a person's life. Marriage is the 19:32 longest act of worship. How could we 19:33 not use prayer? So the husband should 19:36 pray, yes, after marriage he prays for 19:38 his wife. Then it is good to prostrate, 19:43 or what? Pray. Perform two units of 19:46 prayer before intimacy. An absolute 19:48 voluntary prayer. It seems if you ask 19:51 families who have been married for 19:53 years, there might be some who don't 19:55 pray, right? Because they simply do not 19:57 know. Oh, there is a prayer for it, 19:59 right? An absolute voluntary prayer as 20:00 an expression of gratitude. There are 20:02 even prayers taught for it. Unite us if 20:05 being united is truly good for us. 20:08 Separate us if that is truly what is 20:09 best for us. Even before doing anything 20:11 , one already prays like that. Because 20:13 we do not know what the future of our 20:15 marriage will be like. Will Allah bless 20:19 this marriage until death do us part 20:21 and we meet again in His heaven, or 20:23 will we separate while still in this 20:25 world? We really do not know. So ask 20:27 Allah, pray to Allah. So from the first 20:32 night, after performing that prayer, 20:35 bring gratitude and patience into 20:38 ourselves. Gratitude and patience, 20:41 along with that prayer, make us ready 20:43 to accept each other's strengths and 20:45 weaknesses. Especially the prayer 20:48 mentioned earlier, which a husband says 20:50 to his wife on her forehead, on her 20:52 head, "O Allah, grant me her goodness 20:54 and the goodness of her character, and 20:57 protect me, keep me away from her bad 20:59 character." And this truly is part of 21:02 accepting a life partner as they are. 21:05 So, bring in a sense of gratitude and 21:07 patience. Because a newlywed husband 21:10 and wife are not a pair of angels. They 21:13 are human beings full of flaws, even 21:16 though they also have many virtues. 21:18 MashaAllah. So if from the beginning 21:20 you have agreed on that, with gratitude 21:22 and patience, MashaAllah, this is 21:23 extraordinary. If we talk about 21:25 gratitude and patience, that means, 21:27 well, even just talking about gratitude 21:29 is extraordinary. It's impossible. This 21:31 also applies to couples who are older. 21:34 Bring gratitude and patience into your 21:36 marriage. People who are not grateful 21:38 will definitely bring things up and 21:40 compare their partners with others. "Oh 21:42 , it's nice, other people's partners, 21:44 their husbands are attentive and 21:45 romantic, giving flowers," well, they 21:47 can't be compared. People who are 21:48 grateful for their marriage will not 21:50 compare it with others. They will look 21:53 at households that are far less, well, 21:56 less fortunate than their own. Even if, 21:59 for example, "Yes, I'm married, 22:01 Alhamdulillah, but..." no, don't use " 22:02 but," because if you use "but," you're 22:04 not being grateful. Alhamdulillah, I 22:07 have a life partner. There is a husband 22:08 , there is a wife, no "buts," let's 22:10 just see their strengths. Just look at 22:12 those who are not yet married. Then, 22:14 for example, even if you are married, 22:16 there's always something missing, maybe 22:17 you don't have children yet. Now, this 22:19 is where you must bring in a sense of 22:21 gratitude and patience that is 22:22 continuously renewed and increased 22:24 because our faith goes up and down. It 22:27 increases with obedience to Allah and 22:29 decreases with disobedience to Allah. 22:32 So, this gratitude and patience will 22:34 depend on the extent to which we have 22:36 faith that is continuously maintained 22:38 and guarded. Then, while navigating 22:42 life as a household and a family, we 22:45 realize that the path ahead is not 22:47 always a path strewn with flowers, but 22:50 also thickets full of thorns and briars 22:53 . There is no such thing as a household 22:56 where everything is always perfectly 22:58 smooth. There will surely be many 23:01 trials and tests, many obstacles. Yes, 23:05 imagine it, we are meeting two 23:07 different people, different tribes, 23:09 nations, characters, different 23:10 upbringing, just different in every way 23:12 , different education, different 23:14 economy, many differences in background 23:16 . Forget about a life partner, even 23:20 siblings who come from the same " 23:22 factory," meaning the same father and 23:25 mother, still like to fight. Even 23:28 though they have the same father and 23:29 same mother. Moreover, two different 23:32 human beings, with different 23:33 upbringings. It's extraordinary, with 23:36 different educational backgrounds and 23:38 characters. Because this is indeed the 23:40 condition of our lives, we must realize 23:42 that there will surely be trials and 23:44 tests. So, when our household ship 23:48 begins to sway, well, that is part of 23:51 having a household. There is no such 23:53 thing as a household that is always 23:55 safe, peaceful, calm, and serene. There 23:56 isn't one. Maybe that happens in the 23:58 household of people who are mute, 23:59 perhaps. Well, it's hard to fight if 24:01 you can't talk, right? So, when our 24:05 household ship sways and trials or 24:08 tests occur, do not let go of each 24:10 other's hands; instead, hold on even 24:13 tighter. That is the keyword. So, 24:17 whatever tests may befall our household 24:19 , the husband and wife relationship 24:22 bond must not be broken. Whether tested 24:25 by in-laws, tested by parents, tested 24:28 by neighbors, or by anything else, it 24:30 must remain firm. Now, that is why it 24:33 is necessary to define the purpose of 24:36 the marriage. See, marriage is not just 24:40 , as I said before, merely a way to 24:43 legalize biological urges. Marriage is 24:48 not just a personal matter, or a matter 24:50 of having children, or just having a 24:52 partner, praise be to God. No. Marriage 24:56 is not like that. Marriage has noble 24:59 and clear objectives. Therefore, define 25:03 what the purpose of this marriage is. 25:06 What exactly is the purpose of marriage 25:08 ? Well, it depends. Meaning, it depends 25:10 on what you want. That is why husband 25:12 and wife should have the same religious 25:15 understanding. Or at least it is 25:17 emphasized for the man, because he is 25:19 the qawwam (protector/leader). But 25:21 there is nothing wrong if the woman is 25:23 the one who explains it. Because 25:25 nowadays we see many righteous women 25:28 who understand more than men. Now, when 25:32 a man chooses a righteous life partner, 25:35 he should be ready to accept all input 25:38 or whatever is conveyed; since he 25:40 sought a righteous wife and found one, 25:43 why wouldn't he listen when she advises 25:45 him? So, the point is to define the 25:49 purpose of this marriage. What do you 25:52 hope for, what will you do with this 25:54 marriage, and where will this household 25:57 head? So, at the very least, when we 26:01 talk about defining the purpose of 26:03 marriage, marriage requires knowledge. 26:08 Marriage is not just about legalizing 26:10 desires; it requires knowledge. Ideally 26:13 , that knowledge should be acquired 26:15 before getting married. Ideally, that 26:17 is the case, but reality is not the 26:20 same, not like we imagine it to be. 26:22 Many people do not know the knowledge 26:24 after they are already married. When 26:26 there are problems and the household is 26:28 swaying, only then do they seek the 26:30 knowledge. Now, it is never too late, 26:33 or better late than never, to seek 26:37 knowledge. Because marriage requires 26:39 knowledge. Because marriage is the 26:41 longest act of worship in our lives. 26:43 Certainly, it requires knowledge. That 26:44 knowledge must be improved at all times 26:46 . There is much knowledge that we might 26:48 have already learned, but the more we 26:50 learn, the more we realize how much we 26:51 are lacking. The same applies to the 26:53 knowledge of marriage. Because we know 26:55 that marriage is the longest form of 26:58 worship in a human's life. Marriage 27:00 isn't just about being attracted to 27:01 wealth, or anything like that. Marriage 27:04 is truly a sacred covenant. So, it 27:07 needs to be renewed and refined, that 27:11 covenant. A covenant is a strong bond, 27:14 like a sturdy rope, so it needs 27:15 periodic strengthening. Well, but we 27:17 aren't discussing*tajdidun nikah*here. 27:20 What do you mean?*Tajdidun akad*, the 27:21 renewal of the contract. The marriage 27:22 contract. Some people, well, they go 27:24 ahead and redo their wedding vows 27:26 because they want to renew them. We 27:28 aren't discussing that. We are 27:30 discussing the meaning here. The 27:32 meaning of marriage itself needs to be 27:34 renewed, restructuring the purpose of 27:35 the marriage. Yes, getting married is 27:38 easy, but maintaining it is hard. What 27:40 is difficult about facing the marriage 27:42 official? Especially for those who have 27:44 an unofficial marriage. Taking care of 27:46 the paperwork at the Religious Affairs 27:48 Office takes quite a bit of time, 27:49 doesn't it? If it's an unofficial 27:51 marriage, our country doesn't recognize 27:54 it. But religiously, it is recognized. 27:57 It's not easy. I mean, it's not hard, 27:59 it's easy. But maintaining it is the 28:01 difficult part. That is why marriage 28:03 requires knowledge. Because marriage is 28:07 not built on the basis of being 28:09 identical. Marriage is built to unify 28:12 differences. That is why you need 28:15 knowledge. Learning how to turn those 28:17 differences into a great, powerful 28:19 potential. There must be knowledge 28:21 behind it. Knowledge, especially about 28:24 marriage—even trivial knowledge has a 28:26 huge impact. Yes, exactly. Take cooking 28:29 , for example; if you have the 28:31 knowledge, just with a simple egg, you 28:33 can create various dishes because you 28:34 have the skill. Someone without cooking 28:38 knowledge might just fry it, right? 28:40 That’s how valuable knowledge is. So, 28:43 keep seeking it; marriage truly 28:45 requires knowledge. With that knowledge 28:48 , we know what is lawful and unlawful 28:50 in a marriage. Because there are many 28:53 households that are actually living in 28:55 adultery. Why? Because they don't know 28:58 the knowledge. A husband, when angry, 28:59 says, "I divorce you." Then they make 29:01 up again. Then do it again the next day 29:02 . If you count how many times that 29:03 happens, it's probably uncountable. See 29:05 , they don't understand what is lawful 29:06 and what is forbidden. So, with that 29:09 knowledge, one will understand the 29:10 meaning of life in this world. There is 29:13 life after death. Do we really live in 29:15 this world forever? What is the purpose 29:17 of our life? So, when a person has 29:19 knowledge, they will surely fear Allah. 29:22 With knowledge, they will know how 29:23 overwhelming the gathering at the 29:24 Mahsyar will be. How will the state of 29:26 the Day of Judgment be? What about the 29:28 delights of heaven and the horrors of 29:30 hell? They will certainly know the 29:33 consequences of being cruel to their 29:35 family. With knowledge, one will surely 29:37 fear Allah. So, knowledge serves as the 29:39 foundation for building a household. So 29:42 once again, problems in a household can 29:44 be overcome with knowledge. Yes, with 29:49 knowledge, a married couple knows the 29:50 goals they want to achieve in a 29:52 marriage. Yes, what do they want, what 29:56 are they seeking and hoping to gain, 29:59 they will know their rights and duties, 30:01 so hopefully, a harmonious, sakinah, 30:04 mawadah, and warahmah marriage will be 30:06 achieved. So that’s what happens when 30:09 a marriage hits a rough patch. Indeed, 30:12 we need knowledge. Then when you have 30:15 children, not to mention having 30:17 children, there’s also raising them. 30:20 Wow, we just need constant knowledge. 30:22 Sometimes if you don't keep updated, 30:23 you'll be left behind, right? 30:24 Especially with kids these days. Oh my 30:26 goodness. So, never stop seeking 30:28 knowledge. Now, when you don't have 30:31 children yet, love your wife or husband 30:33 100%. Yes. So don't play the blame game 30:37 , just love them 100%, undivided. Just 30:40 keep it full, okay. Meaning this might 30:42 be part of fate, right? Yes, meaning 30:46 agree together on how not to let the 30:48 marriage we’ve built with such hard 30:51 work over the years sink, oh Lord. So 30:55 try to manage, how to love your partner 30:57 100%. The same applies when you have 31:00 children. When you have children, don't 31:03 divide your love for your partner. 31:07 Don't give a certain percentage to your 31:09 husband, wife, or children. But love 31:11 your spouse 100%. Love the children 100 31:15 %too, because many households end up in 31:18 trouble when they have children, 31:21 what’s it called? One of the spouses 31:24 gives full attention to the children 31:26 and stops paying attention to their 31:27 partner. Now, that is also a mistake. 31:31 Then, when the family's economy hasn't 31:33 improved yet. So, when we discuss 31:37 redefining the meaning of marriage, 31:40 there might be conditions that, well, 31:43 it’s God's will, maybe the economy 31:45 hasn't improved yet. It might be tough, 31:50 but the door to prosperity will open 31:52 wide, directly proportional to the 31:55 husband and wife's level of obedience. 31:57 So this obedience is important. God 32:01 will grant abundant provision to His 32:04 servants who are pious. So make sure 32:11 your partner supports that piety. Don't 32:14 let it be that only the wife is pious 32:16 while the husband goes the opposite way 32:17 . Be confident that the door to 32:20 prosperity will improve when the couple 32:23 remains in obedience to God. Yes, 32:26 that’s when things haven't improved 32:27 yet. When the economic condition 32:30 improves, what should you do? When the 32:33 economy improves, don't forget about 32:36 your life partner. Mashallah, there are 32:40 many cases where in the beginning, 32:43 starting from scratch, the wife is all 32:46 out in helping her husband. It turns 32:51 out that when the economy improves, 32:53 well, what you call temptations arise, 32:56 and finally the partner who accompanied 32:59 you from the start—well, in the words 33:02 used in society, "marrying a widow, 33:04 widowed a wife"—may God forbid. Don't 33:08 let that happen. So when the economy 33:11 improves, do not forget your life 33:13 partner, do not forget their service in 33:15 faithfully accompanying you while you 33:17 were suffering. A person who is 33:20 grateful is a person who is close to 33:22 Allah. For a person who is grateful, 33:24 Allah will increase their sustenance 33:26 even more. That is why so many cases 33:27 happen where, after the economy 33:29 improves, they forget their life 33:30 partner and their service; what happens 33:32 in the end? Instead of the economy 33:34 continuing to improve, it falls into 33:37 ruin. Yes, that happens a lot. So don't 33:39 forget, don't forget where you came 33:41 from, like a nut forgetting its shell. 33:43 Be grateful, give thanks. Remember, you 33:46 have your partner. So don't let us lose 33:49 ourselves. We have already received an 33:52 example from the Messenger of Allah. 33:54 How he was grateful and gave thanks, 33:56 even for the smallest things. The 33:58 Prophet even once said that when 34:00 someone does good to you, repay them. 34:03 The Prophet ordered us to reciprocate. 34:05 If you do not have the means to repay 34:07 them, pray for them. So don't let it be 34:10 that we forget people's contributions. 34:13 That is what you call an ungrateful 34:14 person. A person who is ungrateful is a 34:16 disbeliever in blessings. Now, that is 34:18 why it is said in the Qur'an, "If you 34:20 are grateful, I will surely increase 34:21 you." If you are grateful, Allah will 34:23 multiply the sustenance He gives you. 34:25 But if you are ungrateful, then truly, 34:27 My punishment is severe. Just look 34:29 later, we see many cases, don't we? How 34:32 people who are ungrateful see their 34:34 economy collapse, rather than prosper; 34:37 perhaps that is part of the test. When 34:41 someone is not grateful for the 34:42 blessings of Allah. Now, then when 34:44 there is a "PIL," what is that, miss? 34:46 PIL, miss. 34:48 Another man of one's dreams. 34:50 Another man of one's dreams. 34:51 Or it could be a "WILL" too. 34:53 A WILL, too. Eh, what, another man of 34:55 one's dreams or... 34:57 yes, another woman of one's dreams. 34:58 Oh, WILL. Another woman of one's dreams 35:00 . Now, if there are temptations from a 35:04 PIL, when there is a PIL, we understand 35:07 , right, surely there is another woman 35:09 who wants to get a partner like our 35:12 husband, perhaps seen as good, 35:14 responsible, and all sorts of things. 35:18 Remember, when there is a PIL, don't 35:20 swallow it. Let your husband be enough 35:22 as your medicine. If there is a PIL, 35:24 make your husband your medicine. What 35:26 about a WILL? For a WILL, for a WILL, 35:28 don't follow the "another woman of 35:30 one's dreams," okay? Sometimes, there 35:32 are women who have a PIL who are 35:34 attracted to other men because they 35:36 aren't like their husbands. So, let 35:38 your husband be enough as medicine; 35:40 don't compare—that is the devil's 35:42 temptation. Likewise with a WILL, " 35:44 another woman of one's dreams," don't 35:45 follow that path. Let your wife be 35:47 enough as the harbor for your heart. 35:48 Let your wife be enough; whatever it is 35:50 , return to your wife. The Messenger 35:51 has already provided the example. If 35:53 there is temptation outside, go home. 35:55 Yes. So, what makes everything look 35:58 beautiful to the eyes is the temptation 36:00 of the devil. Tazyin, yes. The devil 36:04 embellishes it. So, do not follow it. 36:07 Yes, Sis. We will continue later, Sis. 36:10 Alright. Mashallah, our discussion is 36:13 extraordinary, uh...Oh, I apologize, I 36:19 forgot to unmute. I apologize. Alright, 36:21 back again, brothers and sisters. I 36:23 also want to thank the several 36:24 questioners who have sent in their 36:26 queries. However, it seems there are 36:28 still a few things the Ustazah would 36:29 like to convey. We will take a nasyid 36:32 break, and after that, the Ustazah will 36:34 answer questions from the brothers and 36:36 sisters. We will be back after this 36:39 nasyid break. Alright. Radio 40:15 Silaturahim and Rasil Visual listeners, 40:17 brothers and sisters, you are currently 40:19 still listening to Women's Fiqh with 40:21 the theme "Reframing the Meaning of 40:22 Marriage." However, allow me, before 40:25 Ustazah Herina Amran continues her 40:28 presentation, to share some information 40:30 regarding an event to be held by Rasil, 40:33 which is the Rasil Quran Recitation 40:36 Tahsin Meetup. God willing, it will be 40:40 held this Sunday, the 16 th—wait, it 40:43 seems this date might be wrong— 40:46 October 16, 2023. Alright, I will 40:50 correct this later with the source, 40:53 Brother Rizal. Perhaps this Sunday, 40:56 from 8:30 to 11:00, held at the 40:58 Silaturahim Mosque on Jalan Kalimanggis 41:01 , Jati Karya, with Ustaz Muhammad 41:03 Zailani. Alright, while waiting for the 41:06 correction, I will ask Ustazah Amran to 41:08 continue her presentation. Please, 41:10 Ustazah. 41:11 Alright. In the name of Allah, the Most 41:12 Gracious, the Most Merciful. So, when 41:15 we discuss reframing, truly reframing 41:17 the meaning of marriage, the key is one 41:20 thing: marriage requires knowledge. 41:24 Knowledge, yes. Because marriage is 41:27 indeed the longest act of worship in 41:29 our lives. A heavy duty, as the longest 41:33 act of worship lasts our whole life, 41:35 doesn't it? A heavy duty certainly 41:36 requires knowledge. Now, a family with 41:39 minimal knowledge will surely face very 41:42 fatal consequences. It is prone to 41:44 conflict, vulnerable, and very 41:45 susceptible to ending in divorce 41:47 because they don't understand the 41:49 knowledge, they don't possess the 41:50 knowledge. They just want to end it. 41:52 Even though we want our marriage to not 41:54 just be limited to this world. We want 41:57 our marriage to last until the 42:00 hereafter, reaching paradise. Now, we 42:04 know that marriage has huge challenges, 42:07 very huge indeed. How the devil tempts 42:11 humans so that a marriage falls apart, 42:14 because that is his main goal. They 42:17 even get a reward when they are able to 42:20 separate a married couple. So, marriage 42:23 is the biggest challenge in life. So, 42:25 we know that paradise is not cheap. 42:28 Paradise is not free. How can a family 42:31 be brought to paradise if they don't 42:33 have knowledge? Even for trivial things 42:35 , we have knowledge. Worldly knowledge, 42:37 here. Knowledge of how to sew in a 42:40 certain way, that is knowledge. 42:42 Everything requires knowledge, doesn't 42:44 it? So, how can we even bring ourselves 42:47 to paradise if it is difficult. What 42:49 about bringing children, a wife, and 42:51 the whole family? It is certainly 42:52 expensive. So, entering the world of 42:54 marriage without any preparation or 42:56 willingness to learn is certainly a 42:58 mistake. Relying only on desire or just 43:02 being reckless will have fatal 43:03 consequences. Because this is a real 43:06 responsibility, especially the 43:07 responsibility toward children. How can 43:10 we guide our children—let alone guide 43:13 them toward goodness—when even 43:15 training and disciplining ourselves 43:18 takes time? So, when we enter the world 43:22 of marriage without preparation, 43:25 unwilling to learn at all, relying only 43:28 on love and recklessness, where is this 43:31 household headed? Even though we want a 43:35 household in this world and also in the 43:37 hereafter. How can we bring all our 43:41 family, our children, and grandchildren 43:43 together to heaven? Oh God, that 43:46 requires knowledge. So let us prepare 43:50 ourselves; for those who are already 43:52 married and have grown children, at 43:54 least equip them with this knowledge of 43:57 marriage. We should invite them to 44:02 prepare a vision before making sacred 44:05 vows. What is the purpose of getting 44:07 married? What will be done? We should 44:10 even teach them—whether they are 44:13 unmarried or already married—that 44:15 they need to make Islam the foundation 44:17 of their family life. Building a family 44:20 certainly has many challenges and 44:23 trials, because we know divorce doesn't 44:26 just happen to those married for 5 or 44:29 10 years. No. There are even those who 44:32 have been married for 40 years who 44:33 still end up divorcing. Divorce happens 44:35 because they are simply not compatible. 44:37 Now, this is where knowledge is 44:39 important. We must make an agreement 44:42 with our partner that what binds our 44:45 household together is Islam. Islam as 44:48 the foundation of life. When there is a 44:51 problem, return to Islam. So, whether 44:53 we like it or not, regardless of ego, 44:56 Islam must be the solution. Now, this 44:59 is very important. Are we willing to 45:00 return to Islam? Are we willing to 45:03 return all our life problems to Islam? 45:06 When we are willing, God willing, 45:08 hopefully, this household will be saved 45:10 until the end of our lives. Because our 45:13 lives will not last forever, oh God. 45:15 What do we hope for, Mbak Olin, when we 45:18 are 50 or 60 years old and above? How 45:22 marriage truly makes us realize we need 45:25 righteous and pious descendants. We 45:28 know we will pass away soon, so where 45:30 are we going to take it? Now, this is 45:32 for our young people, our children who 45:34 do not yet understand and still have 45:35 little life experience. We must remind 45:38 them. At the very least, have patience 45:41 and gratitude in facing household 45:44 problems, with the mindset that no one 45:47 is perfect. When we understand and 45:50 tolerate our partner's mistakes, we try 45:53 to follow or see their situation, why 45:56 they are like that. So, just as 46:00 important as communication, discussion, 46:03 and positive thinking, is this. We are 46:09 taught by the Prophet to think 46:10 positively, right? The Prophet has 46:12 actually—if we look at Islamic 46:14 teachings, they are extraordinary. How 46:16 the Prophet encouraged his followers to 46:19 practice positive thinking; "Husnuzan, 46:21 I am as my servant expects of Me," as 46:23 stated in the Hadith Qudsi. I am as My 46:26 servant expects Me to be. That is why 46:29 it is so important for us to have a 46:32 positive perspective so that our words 46:35 are also positive. So, I will not make 46:38 this too long, Mbak Olin. Finally, as a 46:41 conclusion to my discussion, let us all 46:44 understand the paradigm of success in 46:46 Islam. This is important: success in 46:50 Islam, within a household, is not just 46:53 about having children who earn PhDs or 46:55 Master's degrees and become successful. 46:59 No. The paradigm of success in the 47:02 Islamic view is "faman zuhziha ' 47:04 anin-nari wa udkhilal-jannah." Those 47:07 who are saved from the hellfire and 47:08 entered into paradise. That is true 47:10 success. Yes, hopefully, we are able to 47:13 lead our households to eternal success, 47:15 inshaAllah. Wallahu a'lam bish-shawab. 47:17 Amen. Amen ya Rabbal alamin. Alright, 47:19 Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin. Brothers 47:22 and sisters, we have followed the 47:24 Ustazah's explanation, and let us 47:26 immediately enter the Q&A session with 47:29 our theme, "Reframing the Meaning of 47:31 Marriage." Someone has already sent a 47:34 question. The first questioner is from 47:36 the Rasil YouTube channel, from Idra 47:39 Mansur, Ustazah. Assalamu'alaikum 47:41 warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, Ustazah. 47:43 Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi 47:45 wabarakatuh. Ustazah, is there any 47:49 prayer that the Prophet Muhammad (peace 47:51 be upon him) taught so that one's 47:53 household is protected from unwanted 47:55 things? Thank you. Yes, at the very 47:59 least, if we look at the prayer in the 48:01 Quran, it is "Rabbana hab lana min 48:03 azwajina." That clearly means: Grant us 48:12 , O Allah, life partners who are " 48:13 Qurratu A'yun.""Qurratu A'yun" is 48:17 something that becomes a solace for the 48:19 heart. "Qurratu A'yun" is actually 48:21 above "Mahabbah"(love). So, it is not 48:24 just mere love, but more than that. It 48:26 is a family that truly loves one 48:28 another and possesses the strength of 48:31 mutual affection. Because "Qurratu 48:35 A'yun" is the light of the heart, it is 48:37 above love, and it becomes what? A 48:40 leader for the righteous. Meaning the 48:43 family is able to have offspring who 48:45 are righteous. So, educating children 48:48 to become "Imam lil muttaqin"(leaders 48:49 for the righteous). So that is 48:52 all-encompassing, that is the prayer if 48:55 we look at the Quran, or the prayer in 48:58 Surah Al-Ahqaf verse 15, "Rabbi awzi'ni 49:01 an ashkura ni'matakal-lati an'amta' 49:03 alayya wa 'ala walidayya.""Wa aslih li 49:11 fi dhurriyyati inni tubtu ilaika wa 49:13 inni minal-muslimin." That shows three 49:16 generations: us, our parents, and our 49:19 children. What does that mean? When we 49:21 talk about lineage, it automatically 49:23 means we and our life partner are 49:25 already in agreement. It's impossible 49:27 for a couple to raise righteous, pious 49:30 children if they aren't together. And 49:33 what do I mean by not being together? 49:38 Well, if we look at it, many broken 49:40 homes find it difficult to raise their 49:42 children to be righteous. So, a 49:46 righteous child, an imam lil muttaqin, 49:49 comes from a household—a mother and 49:52 father—who share the same parenting 49:55 style, thus producing pious, 49:57 God-fearing offspring. I mean, usually, 50:02 when there is a separation or divorce, 50:05 especially when there's dualism in 50:07 education, no agreement, it becomes 50:09 very difficult. So, once again, this 50:13 prayer illustrates how we hope our 50:16 households aren't just for this world, 50:20 but also for the hereafter. Indeed, a 50:24 muttaqin household describes a family. 50:28 Now, several verses in the Quran 50:32 clearly describe that these God-fearing 50:36 households come from righteous, pious 50:40 couples who are able to make their 50:44 homes a sanctuary. That is already 50:48 quite clear. If we look, for example, 50:51 at Surah At-Tur. It is clear that those 51:02 who believe will have their descendants 51:04 follow them in faith and will be 51:06 gathered together in heaven. Now, how 51:10 can a child become pious if they come 51:13 from divorced parents who don't share 51:16 the same parenting style? It's 51:19 difficult. Yes, children learn by 51:22 example. We can see how psychologists 51:26 often explain and present findings that 51:30 patterns from broken homes tend to 51:34 repeat themselves in the children. 51:40 Parents are examples; how can they see 51:43 or model a harmonious, sakinah, mawadah 51:46 , warahmah household if they don't see 51:49 or experience it from their own parents 51:52 ? So, once again, regarding those 51:56 prayers in the Quran, such as "Rabbana 51:58 hablana min azwajina" or "Rabbi auzi'ni 52:01 ," and so on. Alright, it's very clear, 52:06 God willing. Idra Mansyur, I will now 52:09 move on to ask Mr. Andi Fatwa. Peace be 52:12 upon you, Ustazah. 52:14 And peace be upon you too. 52:16 And blessings of Allah. My household is 52:19 currently experiencing cracks due to a 52:21 third party. I want to maintain it 52:25 because I feel sorry for my children. 52:27 Please provide a solution, Ustazah. 52:31 Yes, hopefully, with your good 52:33 intention to preserve this household 52:36 for the sake of the children, may Allah 52:39 grant it. At the very least, if there 52:43 are problems between husband and wife, 52:45 send an arbiter from his family and an 52:47 arbiter from her family. There is a 52:50 third party to mediate, to facilitate, 52:53 uh, between the two. There is 52:55 definitely a problem that occurs when a 52:58 disturbance arises. So if both husband 53:02 and wife are unable, uh, to resolve it, 53:05 look for a third party. One that the 53:08 wife can accept, and the husband can 53:10 accept. Yes, so hopefully with the 53:13 intention to improve, to reconcile this 53:15 household, may Allah provide the best 53:17 way out, yes. Compromise on it. So, 53:20 indeed, uh, household problems usually, 53:23 Ms. Olin, will be difficult to find a 53:25 solution for if each party does not 53:27 have the same understanding. For 53:31 example, if we say we agree that Islam 53:33 is the solution, if it is not mutually 53:36 agreed upon, it will be difficult. But 53:39 when Islam becomes the solution to 53:41 every problem in our lives, hopefully, 53:43 no matter how big the differences of 53:45 opinion are, there is a solution, yes. 53:50 So, uh, from that good intention, 53:52 hopefully, Allah will grant, uh, 53:53 smoothness and ease; at the very least, 53:55 children serve as the glue, and don't 53:57 forget communication. Sometimes it's 54:02 like this, Miss, actually the problem 54:03 isn't that big, but because 54:05 communication isn't going well, it 54:07 becomes a problem. So communication 54:10 will play, uh, a very important role in 54:13 a husband and wife relationship. So if 54:16 it is not established well and 54:18 harmoniously, it can fall apart, it can 54:21 be, uh, caught by the devil, caught in 54:24 the devil's trap. So intend everything 54:27 for Allah. Hopefully, Allah provides 54:29 the best way out. God willing. 54:31 God willing. Amen. Alright. Uh, God 54:34 willing, may you be strengthened, Sir, 54:36 in maintaining your household, and may 54:38 Allah grant the best path. RK Channel 54:40 sends a question still via YouTube 54:43 Prasil. Ustazah, Ustazah, 54:45 coincidentally I have only been married 54:47 for 3 months. I request advice and 54:50 guidance from the Ustazah, who I feel 54:52 has already experienced the sweetness, 54:53 saltiness, and bitterness of household 54:55 life with her husband. Thank you, 54:58 Ustazah. Oh, someone wants to be nosy, 54:59 Ustazah. 55:00 Yes. MasyaAllah, only 3 months, yes. 55:03 Just 3 months, Ustazah. 55:05 The important thing is this, 55:07 togetherness, don't ever neglect that, 55:09 okay. Praying in congregation, whether 55:12 it's sunnah prayers, or in obedience to 55:14 Allah. Just make a schedule. What kind 55:17 of schedule, especially since 3 months 55:19 is still a time that is, uh, still the, 55:22 what is it, is it the onion moon, not 55:24 the honeymoon anymore, but the onion 55:26 moon. Yes, the point is this, uh, when 55:31 we have common ground, then first, what 55:34 is the goal of the marriage? Formulated 55:38 together, then agreed upon, for example 55:40 , regarding child rearing, that needs 55:42 to be agreed upon together. So don't 55:45 hide anything, for example, communicate 55:47 if there is something you don't like. 55:49 That's one, that's the keyword. 55:50 Communication. Tell each other what, uh 55:54 , uh, is liked or disliked by each 55:57 party. Whatever you want, just tell it, 55:59 so they understand, right? Oh, what do 56:01 you want and then, uh, what else. 56:03 Everything is told, all existing 56:05 aspects. We must know what we want and 56:08 what we don't want. Then share it with 56:11 your spouse. So that each of you knows. 56:13 For instance, I don't like it when my 56:14 wife acts like this. I don't like it 56:15 when my husband acts like this. So 56:16 it’s easier if it's communicated, 56:18 right? Secondly, at the very least, 56:20 togetherness in worship is really 56:22 important. Shared worship, for example, 56:26 performing Tahajud together is 56:28 extraordinary. Meaning, going on 56:32 spiritual retreats to places that can 56:35 boost your faith and leaving behind 56:38 communities that make you neglectful. 56:43 Because husband and wife often have 56:44 their own communities. So look for ones 56:47 that truly strengthen your faith. Then 56:50 reach an agreement, for example, 56:52 attending religious study groups 56:54 together—that's lovely. If only the 56:57 wife is diligent but the husband isn't, 56:59 it will eventually become a problem. 57:01 So just agree on that. Then, if you 57:03 have children, what will the parenting 57:05 style be? Start reading parenting books 57:08 from now on. So if you're upset, just 57:11 say it. "I'm upset right now, don't 57:13 talk to me." Don't bottle it up, 57:15 Ustazah. 57:16 Don't, don't bottle it up. That's 57:17 communication, right, Ustazah? 57:19 Communication. Exactly. Communication 57:21 plays such a vital role; hopefully, all 57:24 problems, whether economic, background, 57:27 or educational, can be resolved through 57:30 communication, God willing. 57:33 So pray a lot, ask your parents to pray 57:35 for you so you stay compatible, 57:37 harmonious, sakinah, mawaddah, and 57:39 warahmah. Prayer. So each person's 57:41 spiritual strength will, God willing, 57:43 be able to face all existing problems. 57:45 God willing. 57:46 God willing. 57:47 Hopefully, it lasts. Hopefully, until 57:50 death parts you. God willing. 57:52 Amen. Amen. God willing. Amen. Alright. 57:54 Next, I will turn to Amaliah. 57:57 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi 57:58 wabarakatuh, Ustazah. Wa 58:00 Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi 58:01 wabarakatuh. 58:03 I am a woman whose age has already 58:05 reached the forties. I want to get 58:09 married, but I'm doubtful whether I can 58:11 manage married life with my future 58:13 husband. I feel afraid seeing my 58:16 friends who have separated from their 58:18 husbands due to trivial things. What 58:21 advice can I get from you, Ustazah? I 58:23 await your response. 58:25 Yes. Ideally, you see, for those who 58:29 are about to get married, it's good to 58:32 attend parenting classes. There is so 58:36 much knowledge that needs to be 58:38 acquired. Yes, communication skills, 58:41 household skills, domestic management, 58:43 and very importantly, religious 58:45 knowledge regarding the rights and 58:47 obligations of husband and wife, and 58:50 shared responsibilities are vital. And 58:54 also knowledge related to economic 58:57 matters, household finances, as well as 59:00 psychology—how to manage emotions— 59:02 basically, all of that needs to be 59:05 prepared. Well, the thing is, I don't 59:10 know, Miss, whether there has been any 59:12 research on why it’s mostly women who 59:15 are interested in this. When I teach 59:20 parenting classes, the majority of the 59:23 participants are women. Yet, the most 59:28 important party in marriage issues 59:30 today should actually be the men. 59:33 Because he is the qawwam, the one who 59:34 determines the direction of the 59:36 household. That is why, when we look at 59:38 the Prophet's words to his companions, 59:40 what did he say? Takaru linfikum. Seek 59:44 and choose where you place your seed. 59:47 This means that men back then were very 59:49 diligent and intensive in gaining 59:51 religious knowledge. So they just had 59:53 to look for a good woman, you see. 59:55 Nowadays, it’s not that there aren't 59:58 any, but it is predominantly women who 1:00:00 are interested in parenting knowledge. 1:00:03 That is why psychologists and parenting 1:00:05 experts often say, Miss, that Indonesia 1:00:07 is fatherless; the role of the father 1:00:09 is really lacking. So we cannot just 1:00:14 blame conditions; we should be able to 1:00:17 change what we can do. For example, as 1:00:21 a mother. Now, to all you mothers out 1:00:22 there. Educate your sons to be 1:00:25 responsible. Meaning, prepare them from 1:00:29 the start on how to be responsible 1:00:31 toward a wife and family. So, those 1:00:33 preparations really start from home. 1:00:35 Now, who was the questioner earlier? 1:00:36 Andita, right, Miss? 1:00:38 Yes. 1:00:39 Just avoid that fear. Put your trust in 1:00:42 Allah while preparing yourself by 1:00:44 joining parenting classes if you can. 1:00:46 There are many that hold them. Just 1:00:48 look them up; there are so many. God 1:00:51 willing, join them and pray or perform 1:00:53 the hajat prayer. Hopefully, you will 1:00:56 get a pious partner that Allah blesses. 1:00:59 And don't forget to ask for your 1:01:00 parents' prayers. Never hurt your 1:01:03 parents 'feelings. Never make your 1:01:06 parents cry. Their prayers are 1:01:08 extraordinary. Ask for their blessing. 1:01:10 Hopefully, with their blessing, Allah 1:01:12 will grant what you desire. God willing 1:01:15 . 1:01:15 God willing. Amen. The question was 1:01:17 from Amaliah earlier. 1:01:19 Yes. My apologies. May it strengthen 1:01:21 her good intentions. God willing. 1:01:23 Amaliah. Alright. I will switch, 1:01:25 Ustazah, to this WhatsApp message from 1:01:28 Ibu Sunarsih. Peace be upon you and the 1:01:31 mercy and blessings of Allah, Ustazah. 1:01:33 And peace be upon you and the mercy and 1:01:36 blessings of Allah. 1:01:37 It is a pleasure to listen to Ustazah 1:01:39 Herlini Amran. May Ustazah always be 1:01:41 healthy. 1:01:42 Amen. 1:01:43 Amen. Can a girl who is not yet pious 1:01:46 get a pious husband? I really hope my 1:01:49 child gets a pious spouse. 1:01:52 Mashallah. A child who isn't pious yet, 1:01:55 Ma'am. Pray for her, Ma'am. Hopefully, 1:01:57 she will become pious. God willing. It 1:02:00 is just a matter of time. The important 1:02:03 thing is that we as parents pray that 1:02:05 all our children become pious children. 1:02:08 Amen. 1:02:09 Even though the standards are different 1:02:10 , right, everyone is different. Maybe 1:02:12 from the parents' side, "Oh, my child 1:02:14 isn't righteous yet because they still 1:02:16 like to rebel, right?" Just pray for 1:02:18 them, Ma'am. God willing, hopefully our 1:02:20 child will be a righteous child. Now, 1:02:22 the question from Ibu Sunarsih is, is 1:02:24 it possible for our child to get 1:02:26 someone righteous while it seems our 1:02:28 child's capacity is just like this? 1:02:32 This isn't a matter of possibility, 1:02:33 Ma'am. This returns to Allah's destiny. 1:02:36 Just pray, Ma'am. Pray that hopefully 1:02:39 our child gets the best partner. The 1:02:43 best according to Allah, mind you. 1:02:44 Because if we don't ask for the best 1:02:46 according to Allah, what we think is 1:02:48 best isn't necessarily so. So, let's 1:02:50 just go by what Allah thinks is best. 1:02:52 If we think something is the best, it 1:02:53 might not be the best according to 1:02:55 Allah. Asa an tahibbu syai'an wa huwa 1:02:57 syarrullakum. Yes, it could be that 1:03:00 when we think something is good, in 1:03:01 Allah's view it's not. For example, if 1:03:04 someone asks, "Is it possible to get 1:03:07 someone righteous?" righteousness and 1:03:10 faith can go up and down. How many 1:03:12 people, for instance, get married 1:03:14 starting off, "Oh, they're so righteous 1:03:16 ." Who can guarantee what happens after 1:03:19 being married for several years or 1:03:21 decades? It could be that some take a 1:03:23 turn for the worse in their faith. Oh 1:03:25 God. Meaning, 1:03:27 faith must be guarded. So, we see that 1:03:30 someone's righteousness is not static 1:03:33 like that. Faith fluctuates up and down 1:03:36 . So we ask Allah for a righteous 1:03:38 partner for our child, the best 1:03:40 according to Allah. Yes. Because the 1:03:42 best according to us is not necessarily 1:03:44 the best according to Allah. There is 1:03:45 one more thing we need to understand. 1:03:48 Usually, parents want their child to 1:03:52 get a partner who understands religion, 1:03:57 right? So they choose someone who has 1:04:00 religious knowledge, right? Sometimes 1:04:02 people think those with religious 1:04:03 knowledge must have good faith. Wait a 1:04:04 minute. Right. Choosing for religion is 1:04:08 indeed part of the criteria, compared 1:04:11 to, say, beauty or handsomeness; 1:04:13 religion is the primary criterion. But 1:04:17 once again, it's not about religious 1:04:18 knowledge, because many people have 1:04:20 religious knowledge but aren't 1:04:21 committed to the religion. Meaning they 1:04:24 are just mere islamologists. They only 1:04:27 know the science of religion, but in 1:04:29 reality, they don't practice it. So, 1:04:32 distinguish between people; choosing 1:04:34 based on religion isn't just about 1:04:36 having knowledge, but even if they have 1:04:38 a little knowledge, they are able to 1:04:40 practice it. That's the priority. So, 1:04:44 those who are able to practice their 1:04:45 religion—if they have knowledge and 1:04:47 are able to practice it, thank God, 1:04:49 that's a blessing from Allah. But if we 1:04:53 see that they are able to practice 1:04:54 their religion even if they don't have 1:04:56 much knowledge, that's good. For 1:04:59 example, let's say there is a future 1:05:02 son-in-law, a prospective man. Suppose 1:05:06 we have a daughter, for example, she 1:05:08 goes to religious school, maybe she has 1:05:11 memorized the Quran, you know, there 1:05:13 are many like that. Even if she has 1:05:15 memorized the Quran, we see in her 1:05:17 daily life that she doesn't pray in 1:05:18 congregation at the mosque, for 1:05:20 instance. Then another one comes, she 1:05:23 is a graduate from a public school, 1:05:24 maybe she hasn't memorized the Quran, 1:05:26 only a few chapters. But when she hears 1:05:29 the adhan, she goes straight to the 1:05:30 mosque. So, which one would you choose, 1:05:31 Ma'am? 1:05:35 Come on, which one? 1:05:36 Yes, it means we want someone who 1:05:39 practices the religion. So, it's not 1:05:42 just about having religious knowledge. 1:05:45 So hopefully our prayers are that our 1:05:47 children, grandchildren, and 1:05:49 descendants will get the best partners 1:05:51 according to Allah, who are righteous, 1:05:53 the best according to Allah. Yes, 1:05:55 exactly. 1:05:57 Yes. Right. That was an important note. 1:06:00 So it's not choosing those who 1:06:02 understand religion, but those who 1:06:04 practice it well. That's it. 1:06:06 Not understand, perhaps, Miss. Having 1:06:07 religious knowledge. 1:06:08 Having religious knowledge. 1:06:09 Understanding what? Religious 1:06:11 scholarship. 1:06:12 Having religious knowledge doesn't 1:06:13 necessarily mean that. May Allah grant 1:06:15 the best. God willing. Alright, Ustazah 1:06:17 . There is still a chance for one more 1:06:19 question, Ustazah, from Inayatullah. 1:06:22 This question is quite important, 1:06:26 Ustazah. Alhamdulillah, my marriage has 1:06:29 entered its [tenth] year. Alhamdulillah 1:06:32 , I have a husband who is responsible 1:06:35 both physically and mentally. And 1:06:37 financially, it is more than enough. 1:06:39 Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. 1:06:40 However, not long ago my husband asked 1:06:43 me if he could marry again because he 1:06:45 wants to save our neighbor who is a 1:06:47 widow with a poor economic situation. 1:06:51 Please give me a solution, Ustazah. I 1:06:52 have not decided or given permission 1:06:54 because I still feel heavy-hearted. I 1:06:56 have prayed Istikharah, but I have not 1:06:58 received an answer. What should I do, 1:07:01 Ustazah? 1:07:01 Well, it's like this, in Islam, it is 1:07:04 indeed permissible for a man to marry 1:07:07 more than once. But remember, the 1:07:10 purpose of marriage is not solely just 1:07:12 to save someone. So tell your husband 1:07:17 to give you time to prepare yourself. 1:07:22 Now, let's look at the husband and the 1:07:25 widow neighbor he wants to save. Is it 1:07:27 really to that extent that she must be 1:07:29 saved? Try to observe how they interact 1:07:33 . Sometimes it's like this, because of 1:07:36 frequent interaction, they become 1:07:38 attracted. That's it. So if it starts 1:07:41 in a good way, and the process is 1:07:43 followed, God willing, it will 1:07:46 definitely end well. But when it starts 1:07:50 in a bad way, it will also end badly. 1:07:54 Yes, so give appreciation to your 1:07:56 husband who was willing to express what 1:07:58 was in his heart. Do they have children 1:08:02 yet? 1:08:03 No, it wasn't mentioned, Ustazah. 1:08:05 So, it would be good to do this. 1:08:08 Marriage is not solely just for the 1:08:10 sake of saving someone. Invite the 1:08:14 extended family to discuss and 1:08:16 deliberate, both from the husband's and 1:08:18 wife's sides. After all, we want this 1:08:21 household to last until death do us 1:08:23 part, right? So, remind your husband, 1:08:27 and include him—I mean, until later 1:08:30 ...who is the person asking this, Ms.? 1:08:34 Uh, one moment. 1:08:37 Uh, perhaps a servant of Allah. 1:08:39 Yes, yes, yes. Just a servant of Allah. 1:08:41 So, until this servant of Allah feels 1:08:43 at peace, right? This means, try to 1:08:46 discuss it, because marriage isn't just 1:08:48 about "saving" someone. Try to see, is 1:08:52 this neighbor really that incapable 1:08:54 that she must be married to be helped, 1:08:56 or could she be helped financially? 1:09:00 That needs to be talked about and 1:09:02 discussed. It cannot be decided while 1:09:04 emotional, you see. Is this truly for 1:09:07 the best? Invite everyone from both the 1:09:09 husband's and the wife's sides to 1:09:11 discuss. We want the households we 1:09:14 build to have the same goal: to form a 1:09:16 sakinah, mawadah, and warahmah family, 1:09:18 whether it's the first, second, third, 1:09:20 or fourth household. So don't let a 1:09:23 first marriage be ruined just because 1:09:25 someone decides to marry again. That's 1:09:28 not how it should be. Hm. 1:09:29 So it needs to be examined, checked, 1:09:31 and evaluated—is the intention truly 1:09:33 sincere? So, try to see if there was 1:09:36 already communication with that widow 1:09:39 beforehand. That usually happens, right 1:09:41 ? In reality, in some cases, it's just 1:09:43 to legalize things, like saying "rather 1:09:44 than committing adultery," people use 1:09:46 that as an excuse. 1:09:48 Why, why use the excuse of adultery? 1:09:50 You already have a wife, right? So 1:09:52 don't let the devil's deception enter 1:09:54 this marriage. Because the goal of 1:09:57 marriage is for the good, right? So 1:10:00 don't let a new marriage destroy the 1:10:03 first household, which would only make 1:10:06 the devil clap in triumph. So tell your 1:10:10 husband, "Let's discuss this together." 1:10:13 What is the purpose of the marriage? 1:10:14 What exactly is he looking for? Is this 1:10:17 widow so desperate that she must be 1:10:18 saved? And then the question is, why 1:10:21 her? Why that particular widow, when 1:10:23 there are many others? That's why we 1:10:26 should see if there was already 1:10:27 interaction beforehand. Wallahu a'lam 1:10:29 bish-shawab (God knows best). So 1:10:30 it is indeed not easy to build a 1:10:33 household, especially a second or third 1:10:36 one, right? So it requires mutual 1:10:40 deliberation. Now, as a wife, you 1:10:42 shouldn't forbid your husband if his 1:10:45 reasons are logical and religiously 1:10:47 sound, right? So, communicate those 1:10:50 reasons together. It's true that no 1:10:53 wife is ever happy about it, right? Yes 1:10:55 , there is no such wife. But if the 1:10:57 husband's reasons are religiously 1:10:59 acceptable, why not? That's why you 1:11:01 must communicate. "Wa amruhum shura 1:11:04 bainahum"(And their affairs are 1:11:05 determined by consultation among 1:11:06 themselves), right? Yes, Ms. If we look 1:11:08 at the Prophet's marriage, for example 1:11:11 —if we look at his biography, we can 1:11:13 look at his time with Mother Khadijah 1:11:16 —how many years were they married? 1:11:19 That was monogamy, wasn't it? 25 years, 1:11:22 right? 25 years of monogamy. After that 1:11:25 , it reaches 9, right? What does that 1:11:28 mean? When everything with the first 1:11:30 wife is fulfilled and sufficient, 1:11:32 there's no need for anyone else, right? 1:11:34 Yeah. 1:11:34 So, do communicate. Just convey what 1:11:37 the purpose of marriage is. It means 1:11:39 don't let the household that was built 1:11:42 with such difficulty to become a 1:11:44 sakinah, mawadah, and warahmah family 1:11:47 ...End just like that. In an instant, 1:11:50 it collapses, right? God knows best. 1:11:55 Alright, God willing, may you be given 1:11:56 the best path. For the questioner who 1:11:59 just spoke, Ustazah. It seems to be the 1:12:02 last question, Ustazah. Before I close, 1:12:04 perhaps a conclusion for our theme this 1:12:06 afternoon. 1:12:07 Right. Listeners, may God have mercy on 1:12:10 you, when we talk about restructuring 1:12:13 the meaning of marriage, the first and 1:12:15 foremost discussion is knowledge. We 1:12:19 need knowledge. Marriage requires 1:12:21 knowledge. With knowledge, a husband 1:12:23 and wife will know their rights and 1:12:25 obligations. With knowledge, a 1:12:27 harmonious, sakinah, mawadah, and 1:12:29 warahmah household will be forged. 1:12:31 Husbands and wives entrusted with 1:12:33 children will be able to raise them 1:12:35 with knowledge. Knowledge is a heavy 1:12:37 duty. Because knowledge is heavy, it 1:12:40 needs to be sought at every moment, 1:12:43 every time. Because indeed, the Prophet 1:12:46 ordered us to always seek knowledge. 1:12:48 Because seeking knowledge is mandatory. 1:12:51 So, families with minimal religious 1:12:53 knowledge are prone to conflict. May 1:12:56 Allah give us beneficial knowledge. 1:12:59 Rabbi zidna ilma (My Lord, increase me 1:13:00 in knowledge). Grant us beneficial 1:13:02 knowledge. With this knowledge, we are 1:13:04 able to lead our household to His 1:13:06 paradise. God knows best. I ask for 1:13:09 forgiveness from Allah for myself and 1:13:10 for you. Peace be upon you, and God's 1:13:12 mercy and blessings. 1:13:14 And peace be upon you, and God's mercy 1:13:16 and blessings. Masyaallah, thank you 1:13:19 very much, Ustazah, for your knowledge. 1:13:21 This afternoon. Actually, there are 1:13:23 some questions that have not been 1:13:24 answered yet. Hopefully on another 1:13:26 occasion. Before I close, the 1:13:29 information I conveyed at the beginning 1:13:31 , I convey again to the brothers and 1:13:33 sisters, especially for the tahsin 1:13:35 congregation who are blessed by Allah 1:13:37 subhanahu wa taala. Please, ladies and 1:13:42 gentlemen, brothers and sisters, attend 1:13:45 the Rasil Al-Qur'an recitation tahsin 1:13:49 gathering, which will be held on Sunday 1:13:53 , February 26, 2023, from 8:30 to 11:00 1:13:56 AM. Located at the Silaturahim Mosque, 1:14:00 Jalan Kalimanggis, Jati Sampurna, 1:14:02 Bekasi City. Only a few meters from the 1:14:05 Rasil studio. Together with our tahsin 1:14:08 speakers, namely Ustaz Otong Surasman, 1:14:10 Ustaz Alfan Sunardi, Ustaz Muhammad 1:14:13 Zailani, and Sheikh Khalil Ibrahim. 1:14:16 Thus the invitation is conveyed. 1:14:17 Hopefully, the brothers and sisters can 1:14:20 set aside some of their time to attend 1:14:22 the tahsin congregation event held by 1:14:25 Rasil this Sunday. Alright, brothers 1:14:28 and sisters, thank you for listening 1:14:30 this afternoon. God willing, it is very 1:14:33 beneficial. I am Karolin, accompanied 1:14:36 by Ondi earlier, and also Anis, perhaps 1:14:38 currently replaced by Yusuf, we 1:14:40 apologize if there were some technical 1:14:42 shortcomings that disrupted the flow of 1:14:44 this Friday afternoon's women's fiqh 1:14:46 edition. Hopefully, it remains highly 1:14:50 beneficial. I will take my leave first. 1:14:52 Glory be to You, O Allah, and with Your 1:14:54 praise, I bear witness that there is no 1:14:56 god but You, I seek Your forgiveness 1:14:57 and repent to You. May success and 1:14:59 guidance be granted by Allah. May the 1:15:01 peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be 1:15:03 upon you. 1:15:04 And may the peace, mercy, and blessings 1:15:06 of Allah be upon you too. I'm taking my 1:15:08 leave now, Miss. 
