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Name: Rumah Tangga yang Terasa Hampa - Ustadz Husein & Ustadz Abu Bakar Baradja
Uploaded: 2018-10-24T01:23:49Z
Description: Psikologi Keluarga Pada Hari Rabu, 24 Oktober 2018.

Rasil TVDipublikasikan: 24 Oktober 20181.1rb views

Psikologi Keluarga Pada Hari Rabu, 24 Oktober 2018.

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One Islam. Peace be upon you and Allah
be upon you.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Peace be upon
you and Allah be upon you. Allahumma
sholli ala sayyidina Muhammad wa ala
ali sayyidina Muhammad. Alhamdulillah
we meet again today, Wednesday, October
24, 2018 or 16 Safar 1440 Hijriah. Yes,
as usual, Radio Solut Taraim and Rasil
TV via YouTube are back to presenting a
family psychology program with Ustaz
Husin Alatas, Ustaz Abu Bakar Baraja,
and Mbak Nuning. Okay. Eh, today is the
24th Mbak Nuning, this is the birthday
of our leader,
Mr. Farid Alif. Barakallah. May Allah
continue to give you strength in
fighting in the way of Allah in the
pleasure of Allah. God willing, your
struggle will be blessed.
Okay. Okay. Today we are discussing
about a husband who is married to his
wife. Then his wife used to be his
college friend. And he was happy
because she was smart. At first, we
were happy, but lately, it felt like it
didn't fit and when someone wanted to
pay attention, it felt a bit different.
For clarification, Mbak Nuning can read
it. Please, Mbak Nuning.
Thank you, Mas Krishna. Assalamualaikum
warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, Ustaz.
Waalaikumsalam warahmatullah.
Abu Bakar and Ustaz Husein. We are very
lucky
to be present in this family psychology
, Ikhwan Akhwat. Hopefully, the cases
that arise can provide an overview for
those who have similar problems, Ustaz.
Okay. This is yesterday's one that was
postponed last week. You can also share
it,
Masyaallah.
Em is a wife who is unable to make her
in-laws happy. Her husband always says,
"So what should I do? Pretend. I also
work from 9:00 AM to 0:00 PM. At home I
have to take care of the house and the
children. Not to mention the family
guests who come on Sundays are really
crowded, very pleasant. But I am told I
can never make my in-laws happy. I am
not a robot who must always be smiling.
The advice of the ustaz in my religious
study group, Ustaz, just stop working.
Oh my parents sent me to school until I
got a Master's degree, right with the
desire to be proud of having children
who are not just wives.
My three children are all girls, Ustaz.
If that's the way it has to be, as my
village ustaz advised, just stop
working, devote yourself to your
husband. Okay, my three children don't
need to go to college, Ustaz. After all
, they just become housewives. Okay,
that's the first one. Then the new one
that Mas Krishna mentioned earlier, ee,
a husband who has been married for
several years, just feels a lot of
difference. His economic condition is
okay, getting better. Harmony can also
be said to be good. I'm a husband who's
starting to feel tired these days. But
when I'm with my wife, it feels like
I'm pretending because there are so
many differences. We have different
tastes, different desires, we both have
accounting educations, but we just have
different perspectives. I was attracted
to my wife because she was really smart
in college, Ustaz. So we met in college
at that time, in different years
because I graduated late. But thank God
, my career took off faster. If we
rarely argue now, it only seems like it
. But we live our own lives, Ustaz.
Because we take care of all our needs
separately. I only felt it after a lot
of attention was paid to me, Ustaz. I
started to feel when someone
appreciated me. I wanted to tell my
wife this, but I didn't dare because
she's smart. Later, if I got angry, I
wouldn't be able to see or hear it at
that moment.
She was angry.
Oh, if she was angry. Yes, if she was
angry, I wouldn't be able to see or
hear it at that moment. I just kept
quiet, unable to do anything. I'm
sorry, Ustaz. I I really want to be a
husband like I often hear in the
dialogue. Why am I a ustaz? Frankly, if
the advice is to remarry, I don't dare.
Thank you, Ustaz. Pray for us so that
we can have sakinah, mawadah warahmah.
I will wait for the answer from our two
ustaz. Please. Allah.
Auzubillahiminasyaitanirrajim.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin. Allahumma
sholli ala Muhammadin wa ali Muhammad.
Allahumma ya rab israh sudurana
limarasyidi amrik. Waksif quubana wa
aslih data bain walf bina fima jarat
bihil maqadir. Allahumma inna
nas'alukal huda wattuq walfa wal gina.
Allahumma inna nas'aluka khair hadal
yaum wahair ma fih wahair ma qablah
wahair ma ba'dah. Wa naubika min syarri
hadal yaum wasyarri ma fiarri ma
qablahri ma ba'dah. Amma ba'du.
Brotherhood of listeners and viewers
who are blessed by Allah. Colleagues
who accompanied us in the studio today.
Ustaz Abu Bakar Baraja, Ustaz Muhammad
Krishna. Likewise, Ustazah Nuning and
our brother Zain. Then friends also
accompanied us, Fahri and others.
Asalamullahualalaikum warahmatullahi
wabarakatuh. May
the peace, mercy, and blessings of
Allah be with you too. Allah Subhanahu
wa taala lowered our grandparents to
the surface of this earth with the task
of being caliphs who were given will,
given reason. Then Allah Subhanahu wa
taala sent down His revelation, sent
His messenger as a life guide for them.
Allah Subhanahu wa taala tests them
with what they like and what they don't
like. Whoever adapts what he likes and
what he dislikes to the pleasure of
Allah, he is the one who is on the path
of Allah. But who gets carried away? by
his love, hatred, leaving the path of
Allah Subhanahu wa taala, he is the one
who loses. So Allah tests us with our
feelings. If we follow our feelings,
then our life path will not be clear.
Depends on how we feel. When we are
happy, we behave well. When we are
angry or hateful, we behave badly. If
life is controlled by emotions and
feelings like this, what will happen?
Therefore, Allah Subhanahu wa Taala
says, walauaba al haqqu ahwaahum la
facadeati la facadeata. If truth
follows human desires, the heavens and
earth will be destroyed.
Not only will the sky and earth be
destroyed, even a person's household
will also be destroyed if men follow
their feelings, women also follow their
feelings. Therefore, Allah Subhanahu wa
Taala when commanding men and women to
live in pairs is in accordance with
Allah's sunnah which applies to his
creatures. Not only humans, animals,
plants, we even encounter electric
current when they pair up. What's new?
Only then will light be born. Well,
Allah Subhanahu wa taala when uniting
men and women in domestic life, Allah
sent down his book which contains
guidance and guidance for both of them
so that they fear Allah, explaining the
duties of a husband and a wife. Then
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala also explains
their obligations to their children, to
their parents, and to the community
around them. Now, if both of them agree
to refer back to the benchmark of
guidance that comes from Allah, any
external trials will be easily resolved
. But if their value systems differ,
one, say, to the east, the other to the
west, it is impossible to meet. Let
alone between husband and wife, even
between twins, their values differ,
intimacy is impossible. Therefore, we
often see a person with his friend who
is very close, so close, able to work
together, while he and his siblings
cannot work together. Why? Because both
of them find that what? Their views are
aligned and harmonious. Therefore, to
prevent conflict, Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala sent down guidance, a value
system that must be obeyed by both. It
is not that the man follows the woman's
will or the woman follows the man's
will, but that both of them obey and
submit to Allah. Just as our bodies
were created by God, our souls were
created by God, our minds also come
from God, science is also what God
teaches. So there is nothing better
than Allah's guidance in maintaining
balance and harmony in our lives. The
universe and all its contents are proof
of submission to Allah Subhanahu wa
Taala without choice but are directly
controlled by Allah. How the universe
is full of balance and harmony. So does
our body. If our heart, our lungs, our
kidneys, our digestion were left to us,
not handled by God, what would happen?
So for a married couple, if they find
that there is disharmony, then the best
way for both of them to return to Allah
is if they claim to be believers. The
advice we give to both of them will be
useless if they don't what? does not
return
does not return to Allah and is ready
to follow him. Even if a person has his
illness checked by a doctor, say a
specialist doctor gives him a
prescription, he pays for the medicine.
If you don't eat it, it won't be useful
or if you eat it without following the
rules, it won't be useful either.
Therefore, first of all for married
couples who experience complaints like
those conveyed earlier When the man
gets married, he is attracted by the
woman's beauty and intelligence. This
is one of the reasons that drives many
men to marry a woman because they see
her intelligence and cleverness.
However, domestic life is not just
about the intelligence and intelligence
of a woman or a man. So if a man thinks
that with his wife's intelligence, he
will be able to live happily, he is
very wrong. Likewise, beauty is not a
guarantee, wealth is also not a
guarantee. But faith, devotion to Allah
, is a guarantee. Why? Because once a
woman is devoted to Allah Subhanahu wa
taala and submits to him, she will be
ready to accept the rules that come
from Allah. She obeys her husband,
serves him. He felt this was part of
worship. He would keep his eyes fixed,
not glancing here or there. She
protects her husband's honor. Likewise,
a husband who fears and fears Allah, he
will have sex with his wife with love,
hoping for Allah's approval, and will
not indulge in his lust. He will always
say good things, act wisely because of
his faith and piety in Allah. But once
both of them are separated The bond of
piety, they will be wild. Each wants
their partner to follow their will.
Well, if each follows their own desires
, let alone their household, the
heavens and the earth will also be
destroyed. Therefore, one day we met
the junk dealers with their carts after
buying and buying up the remains of the
burned houses. They were carrying the
goods, the remains of the fire that
they bought. They calculated the profit
they would receive when they cleaned
and tidied up. While they were laughing
, the people whose houses were burned
were crying, sad, not knowing what they
would
face. They were forced to sell the
goods because they wanted to meet their
needs. Then the junk dealer and his
friends said," If we do this often,
soon we can collect a large amount of
money. "Who do you think Allah should
grant their prayer to? The prayer of
the local worker who hopes that his
friends 'houses will burn down so that
they can make a profit. What is the
prayer of the owner of the house that
burned down? Or several doctors who
built a hospital with quite a large
investment, with quite a large bank
loan. When they opened the hospital, at
the first opening they called the ulama
to ask for prayers from them to make
their fortune easier, so that the
hospital is busy, the rooms are full.
Likewise the ICU in the hope that they
can pay off the debt bank. He. Well, we
wonder who is more important to have
the prayers of the doctors granted?
So, O husbands and wives, if each of
you demands that your health be
maintained, your marriage will be
destroyed Subhanahu wa taala make it a
benchmark for us. It will undoubtedly
foster love in men who act as nurturing
, protective, guarding, and caring for
their families, just as a farmer who
cares for his household will foster a
sense of love, dependence, and
attachment for the wife to her husband.
But when the husband's role weakens,
and the wife feels she can live
independently and is less dependent on
her husband, what happens over time?
Eventually, the wife feels her needs
for her husband are merely their own.
In the bedroom, each of them fulfills
their biological needs for a while.
What about outside of each other? When
they are bored with their respective
partners, what can the husband do? Go
out on dates with his work friends. The
woman can also date. If a fight breaks
out, I'll separate, I'm ready. I have
an income, I have a job, I can find
another partner. If this mindset is
allowed to persist, no household will
survive. Therefore, Allah firmly says,"
Arijalu qawwamuna alanisa. "" Allah
appointed these men directly, not
through elections, because if an
election were held, it could cause
damage and would cost a lot of money
for campaign expenses. So Allah
appointed men as companions, leaders
who become protectors and guardians who
straighten out their household life.
Bima fadalallahu ba'dahum ala ba'din.
With the virtues and potential that
Allah has given. Yes, each man has
something different from what is in
women.
Allah has given different roles. Wabima
anfaqu min amwalihim. Also with the
task of men to provide for their wives.
What is the role of women? Falihat. A
pious woman who is qanitat. She obeys
Allah. Obeys her husband for Allah's
sake. Fihatu qonitatun. Hafidatun lil
ghaib. Because of her obedience to
Allah, she maintains her honor,
maintains her husband's rights well.
This will foster trust, love, and
respect in the heart of her husband.
Bima hafidullah. With the protection
and care of
Allah subhanahu wa taala.
This does not mean that women are not
allowed to work. She is allowed to work
. She studies and then works according
to her profession, provided that the
work does not tarnish her honor or
defile her heart. Eventually, what
should have been sincere to her husband
, she begins to compare him with others
. Even if a woman marries thousands of
men, if she compares them with others,
she will never achieve perfection.
There are always shortcomings here and
there. Likewise, if a man wants to
compare his wife with other women, he
will never be satisfied. But his wife
is permissible for Allah, and those
outside of Allah are not permissible.
This wife lives with him and serves him
. Meanwhile, those outside are people
who have no relationship with him. His
wife gives birth to his children. These
women outside have no such role at all.
If the first woman he married was
beautiful, and after giving birth,
there were changes in her stomach and
body, it is natural that he should
respect that. If he had to marry all
the women, would he be satisfied? Never
. There is an Arab proverb that says, "
wa ahabbuaiin ilal insani maam muni."
The most beloved of humans is the one
who has not yet been obtained. Well, if
he uses logic like that...This is the
person who has never experienced
happiness. So, a woman's work doesn't
tarnish her honor, doesn't damage her
religion, or make her neglect her
duties as a wife and mother. Because if
she neglects her duties as a wife, a
husband who doesn't get what he wants
from his wife will try to find it
elsewhere. Well, this husband's
attitude will burn his wife, what will
it make her feel? He's unfaithful to
her, she feels she's struggled,
exhausted, and tired. Ultimately, it
paves the way for her to do the same.
That's why I often hear women say, "I
can do it too. He's the only one who
can do it. I can do it too. I'm not
dependent on him. I earn a better
salary than my husband." This is a
disaster. If it's like this, isn't this
marriage any different from what?
Business partnerships. It's nothing
more. It's no longer a contract in the
truly more perfect sense. It's not just
bodies united, but souls united. That's
why the Prophet said, "Annisa syaqaiqu
rijal.""A woman is a man's soul mate.
Once married, they must be united. A
woman must feel that her husband is the
joy of her soul. A man also feels that
his woman is happy in his soul.
Therefore, they think together about
what they must do to perfect the
happiness of their household. But if
each follows their feelings and asks
Allah to send down love, mercy, and
peace, this is impossible. They are the
ones who work, plant, water, and
fertilize, and Allah makes it grow. But
if they ignore it, leaving their land
like unplanted weeds, and then they ask
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala to produce
good fruits for them, this is
irrational. This is a dream. So I want
to speak realistically, yes, for the
husband and wife who previously
complained about the disharmony between
them, the husband began to feel bored
after he was previously amazed by his
wife's intelligence, but it turned out
that intelligence was not enough. He
found that his wife's attitude made him
distance himself. In fact, from the
first time he should have realized that
attraction to intelligence, attraction
to beauty in these kinds of things,
attraction that will not be able to
make this soul truly peaceful and calm.
Likewise, women are amazed by a man's
intelligence, his prowess, or his
ability to speak. Know that all of this
is not a guarantee of happiness.
However, when a husband is faithful,
pious, responsible, carries out his
work and duties well, and pays
attention to his wife, even if he is
not handsome, over time a deep love
will grow in the woman's heart. But if
a man does not fulfill his obligations,
does not behave well and noble, even if
he is handsome, dashing, and wealthy,
over time the woman feels that her
repentance is merely a decoration like
the vases displayed in her house. She
does not feel a spirit of happiness in
her household. Likewise, if a woman
overly admires herself, her beauty, her
charm, going to salons, going here and
there, telling her friends' opinions
about her, her husband ignores her.
Don't blame her husband if he looks
here and there and his heart moves to
another woman. Then she gets angry and
says," What's wrong with my makeup,
going to salons, showing off my beauty
in front of him? "Her husband says,"
You're not being pious for me. "You
show your appearance when you give it
to me." So what you do is just to
attract or try to attract admiration
from those around you, but you ignore
me. So, for married couples, it's
actually best if both of them consult
with someone who really knows to give
them advice, explain the value system
that they must agree on, and both of
them must be ready to obey, comply,
submit to what comes from Allah. Well,
if both of them do this, God willing,
they will live happily. Therefore,
don't be happy just because of first
sight, because this admiration will not
last long. Once we live together, the
admiration will disappear. People who
are far away admire, but who live
together are not necessarily if it is
not accompanied by good moral behavior.
And I need to repeat, this love depends
on the object. Its meaning depends on
the object. Therefore, the love of a
father for a child is different, the
love of a child for a father is
different, the love of a husband for a
wife is different, the love of a wife
for a husband is different. When a man
loves his wife, he expresses it in what
? In attention, in care, protection, an
attitude that Good. Then he gives what
he has to his wife. When he is able to
do this, he will feel happy and pleased
. But when he is unable to carry out
his duties, he will turn into an
insecure person, discouraged, which
sometimes gives rise to arrogant
attitudes to cover up what? To cover up
his inferiority. Well, a woman, on the
other hand, feels love for her husband,
asking for attention, asking for
protection, warmth, and enlightenment.
Therefore, we can emphasize that a
man's love is similar to the sun that
provides light and warmth. A woman's
love is like the earth that adds warmth
and light. So, if a woman feels strong,
capable, independent, and does not need
her husband, she will lose him.
Likewise, a man when he does not
fulfill his duty to protect his wife.
If he is unable to financially because
he has been laid off, being kind and
helping his wife. Then, he serves what
his wife is unable to do is the most
beautiful way. Because attention is far
more beautiful than material gifts. The
Arabs say, "Attarhibah khairu minat
taqribah.""The warmth of a welcome is
more beautiful than the food itself.
Even if it's just rice with anchovies,
chili sauce, and tempeh, a warm welcome
will create a
different atmosphere for the guests and
those who enjoy it. Therefore, it
doesn't have to be material. As for the
second question, what?
The children don't need to go to school
because,
actually, the answer isn't much
different. Mothers must understand
their duties as wives and parents.
Mothers will be questioned before God,
and this also concerns their happiness
in the household. I'm sure that if
mothers carry their own feelings, they
will be reluctant to submit to Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and the rules that
govern mothers as wives and as mothers
with any man, they will never be happy.
If there are superficial happinesses,
but they are filled with anxiety and
restlessness. Likewise, a man, if he is
reluctant to submit to God's commands,
forces his wife to do things that are
not her obligation and duty without
giving attention or love. When a
husband encounters his wife's good
deeds, her work, he should give her
something, what should he give her?
Praise and appreciation. If we don't
immediately put her down, but we should
direct her to improve. her mistakes.
Like a newlywed woman. A newlywed woman
, especially if she's in school, when
she cooks by herself, what? Her dishes
aren't as delicious as her mother's.
Don't let him taste his wife's cooking,
and he says," My cooking at my mother's
house isn't like this. It's not salty
enough, not salty enough, not salty
enough, not salty enough, the spices
are raw. "This will hurt his wife's
feelings.
Wife.
But once he tastes his wife's food, he
says," It's amazing that you just
started cooking and it's already this
delicious. "
Even if it's just small talk, Ustaz.
Yes. It gives him encouragement. Right?
Point out his shortcomings. For example
, the stir-fry isn't cooked enough.
Right? Or say your husband isn't
capable of giving direction, but can be
directed to learn. I always want to eat
at home. There's nothing more beautiful
than eating at home. But if a husband
puts his wife down, your cooking isn't
delicious, or praises his parents 'or
family's cooking, his self-confidence
will disappear.
So that's a gift for your partner, that
praise.
Right. Likewise, a woman would say to
her husband," You're a useless man. ""
Heeh. That hurts the husband.
If the wife slams the door, gets angry,
throws the plate, what's more? It's not
more devastating than those words.
If a man mocks a woman, says your face
is no longer attractive, it destroys
her. Right. Right. Now, if a woman says
to her husband, "You're a useless man,"
it really destroys her. Therefore,
often a man who is treated like this,
when he meets a woman who admires him
like that,
he is immediately swept away, he feels
that this is a hurt woman who is truly
desired in his life.
Even though what was said was
only a few words that his wife actually
did better, but he sees this woman as
more attractive because she respects
him. Likewise, a woman when her
feelings are hurt, belittled to the
point of losing her confidence. When
she meets another man, even though he
is far worse than her husband, has
nothing, admires her, she says, "This
is my angel."
Therefore, Allah always reminds us that
good words are those that will be
lifted up to Allah, which will enter
the human soul. Ilaii yasadulim walhfa.
To Allah's side good words will rise.
Ascending to Allah's side, they are
welcomed by Allah, developed, grown and
blessed. But bad words, this wali
iyadubillah will be stored in the heart
. Day after day will cause a very
terrible explosion. So let's husband
and wife who face a situation like this
, a mother who is cornered by her
husband who does not give happiness to
her in-laws, we do not know what the
criteria are here, approximately what
she wants. Husband ask what you want?
If what the husband asks for is not his
obligation, it means the man here is
requiring her to do something that is
not his duty. Right? If she is rude,
ignores her in-laws, does not respect
her husband's mother, this is a big
mistake.
But if she is required to do things
that are not her obligation, this will
automatically become a burden. But if
the woman does it with sincerity, love
for her in-laws Because of her
husband's good attitude, she is afraid
of losing him, so she is kind to her
husband's mother, her husband's father,
and even his siblings. Why? Because she
wants to win his love. So, the husband
here must pay attention to his wife,
treat her well, with honor, so that he
has a big place in his wife's heart.
The wife is worried about what time?
Her husband, who occupies such a big
place in her heart, will leave her.
Therefore, it is not enough to just be
clever with words, with beautiful
advice, or with wealth and good looks.
But kind words, attention, love, noble
treatment for a good woman will truly
make her do whatever her husband wants,
even more without any coercion. Well,
regarding work, you don't forbid you
from working or your children from
studying. Because education is very
important, especially in facing the
challenges of today. But education is
not for bragging. Education does not
mean what for? Makes you say, "What's
the use of studying so hard if I can't
work?""If the work you do sacrifices
your household, your children, it means
you are not an intelligent person.
Education should make you more perfect,
intelligent, and wise. If you know that
this work is preventing you from being
a good wife, a good mother, you can
move to another job. It doesn't have to
be that job. The important thing is
that you have to return home before
your husband returns. And you have to
take care of your condition. Don't let
the moment you get home from work, your
husbands come home each complaining
that they are tired. Finally, tomorrow
they go out fresh, energetic, fragrant,
passionate, and meet friends who are
the same. He.
They say," It turns out my friend is
more attractive than my husband. It
turns out my wife doesn't give
attention, she's not attractive like
the women in the office. "Why? Each of
them appears with enthusiasm, with
passion, with a fragrant aroma.
Returning home already smells
unconscious, the
body is tired and exhausted. How can a
man or woman who is presented with
unpleasant food, an unattractive
attitude, a sour face be happy. So a
woman must be truly ready to welcome
her husband. Therefore, if a woman can
divide her work in a good and wise way
for her husband, for herself, for her
children, and so does her husband too,
do not spend her time only on work. How
does she divide her time for work
outside? Then for his wife, her
children there is warmth, there is a
sweetness that makes them miss their
respective partners. Children miss
their parents, parents at work also
long to return. Therefore, Allah made
this household as a makwa that provides
shade, provides a sense of sakinah. Not
at home restless, outside what? Getting
their sakinah.
Yes, it is
wrong, right? Outside they work busy,
returning home they feel a sense of
sakinah, mawaddah, love grows older,
grace does not diminish, instead it
makes them growing closer, even harder
to separate from one another. This is a
general introduction to be even more
truly clear. Husband and wife should
come and meet with me, Ustaz Abu Bakar.
Let's discuss together what the problem
is. Because we're not clear. We're not
clear specifically what makes the
husband dissatisfied with his mother's
attitude towards his in-laws. If the
fault is with the husband, we give him
advice. This is not his obligation. If
the fault is with the mother, we give
her advice. Guide her to be able to
carry out her duties. And don't boast
about your mother's education. Because
education is not for pride. Husbands,
don't boast about your education in
front of your wife. Not for pride, but
to make you behave better, wiser, and
produce better solutions in your life.
And
Allah knows best. Subhanallah. So, the
grass on the other side is always more
beautiful than the grass in your own
yard. Ustaz Abu Bakar. Ustaz, please.
Ustaz Abu Bakar.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Peace be upon
you. Peace be upon
you. Wabarakat Krisna.
Mbak Noning.
Such beautiful words, like the beauty
of God's creation of flowers and plants
. If we can absorb those words, we will
also absorb God's creation. So
beautiful is a face that is emitted
with light, with a smile. Yes, so we
can see the sunlight when we need
warmth, that's when light plays a very
important role. Therefore, a couple who
are each in their position, each
wanting their own needs, each only
prioritizing themselves, at that moment
all beauty will be lost. Because he
does not see, does not see, does not
hear such beautiful words, does not see
what God created. So at that time he
never knows how it feels, how our eyes
see the coolness of the flowers, the
sound of birds chirping that enters our
ears. Because we only care about
himself. I don't want a bird's voice
like that. I don't want a flower like
this. I don't want. Because of his own
desires, there occurs a process of
difference. A couple who are together,
but each has a strong desire to defend
himself, then he will naturally never
see, he will never He wants to listen,
and he will never want to feel what is
in his partner's friend. Nothing.
Because he needs what is needed, not
what is given, what is received. This
is what often causes conflict, desires,
needs, differences. Because God can
create together because there is a
similarity, because the couple is given
because there is a shared strength, not
differences. There will definitely be
differences in culture and education
that will definitely occur. But if that
is the only process for him, he will
never get what he wants. As one Arab
said earlier, that desire will never be
satisfied. What is not there is what is
thought about. What is not there is
what is noticed in the wife. What is
not there is what he pays attention to
in the husband. Then he will never get
it. He will not be able to feel it.
When what is seen is what is not there
in the partner himself. Well, this is
what happens. If we leave this, our
desires, we leave them, we return them
to their respective functions, surely a
wife needs protection. That is what God
promised. It will definitely not be, it
will not be possible, no matter how
strong, how great a wife is, how smart
a wife is, she will definitely need
protection. That is definitely what It
happens. It's a natural thing created
by God. Each has its own abilities. But
when it's together, a husband is
certain to become a protector, as if
there's no longer an election or a
choice. Whose turn is it now?
There's no turn, every five years,
there isn't one. Oh, now, uh, this week
I'm the leader. My wife said so. Next
week you'll be the leader. It won't
happen once you have children. Come on,
now, uh, this, this, this, this, this.
Come on, let's take sides together and
build a stronghold for his child. It
will definitely be a mess. It will
definitely be a mess. And the leader at
that time, the husband cannot be
overthrown by another man. If a leader
is overthrown by another man, then
automatically the family will fall
apart. It's impossible. That's the
definite protection that God has
described. Instinctively, a man, when
he's not given the opportunity to
protect himself at home, will protect
other women outside. He
wants to be a hero.
He will try to be, especially if a
woman suddenly asks for protection, he
will automatically give it. Well, it's
a mess. Therefore, his size, his
intelligence As it was outside before
marriage, it's okay. But once he enters
the family, his accounting expertise—
if I'm not mistaken, it's mentioned
there as an accountant. His wife might
have that accounting expertise. But
there's another intelligence she needs
to protect. That intelligence also
requires her husband's approval. This
is what must be maintained. This is
what must be created. We must create it
. We don't create it ourselves. I say
create it. If we can create fear of God
, then everything will be peaceful. But
if we can create fear of our husbands
and wives, then we will automatically
be carried away by all that. Therefore,
we create it. We must create this
harmony. It doesn't come by itself. God
has given us the signs, God has given
us the functions. But if we don't
strive to create our function as
husbands, then we will automatically
become wives. A man will become a wife
because he never created himself to be
a husband.
Heeh.
So, respect is something that should
not be lost in any household.
Respect each other.
Heeh. Respect each other in their
positions. Return to their positions.
Respect each other. Not then eh he as a
husband, but he lowers himself to his
wife because he is respected. Oh, you
can do it. Oh, you do things in public
saying," Oh, let me ask my wife first.
"Not respecting his wife. Yes. When,
for example, a husband says," Eh, what
should I do? "" Can you come to the
house? Wait a minute, I want to ask my
wife. "His self-esteem falls. But if a
wife when something happens outside or
someone wants to come, sorry I will ask
my husband first.
The process is that appreciation
is a process of appreciation because
that's where it functions because he
created himself as a husband. A lot
happens. He tries to be a husband. He
tries to be that person. So he is
arbitrarily wrong. He doesn't need to
say," Sorry, I'll ee talk first. "Or
there is his wife next to him saying,"
How about it, Mom? "" Well, that was
yesterday, we don't need to say mam,
okay? How are you, honey? How is Hani?
What are we doing not making her want
to come to the house, is it okay? Let's
lower our self-esteem. Say, "God
willing, my wife will be ready because
I'm ready to accept it." That's the
wife's self-esteem. Yes. The wife will
be given respect when she is brought,
but not when we bring ourselves down.
Well, desires and needs occur because
there is a process within her. This is
what needs to be paid attention to. Why
? What happens to a husband who
suddenly feels inferior to his wife?
Because that's a pattern, because he
was formed to be afraid. Because he was
created to be afraid. Therefore, it
breaks up. I say we have to break up
our own process. Why does a wife feel
like she doesn't want to be defeated by
a husband? Because she was created, you
can't. Since you were little, eh, you
can't be rude to your older sister.
You're smarter. Aw. Small from small,
it's from small. This is the process of
creation where she starts to feel like
she's being dominated, "Oh, why am I
being dominated?" Oh, why am I being
treated like this? Oh, why is my
husband so comfortable? "No, no, right?
That's what happened. Not that. Not
that. So, this time, how can we create
love or create peace and harmony,
returning to its function that Allah
has determined. Yes, what Allah has
determined. Happiness has been
determined by Allah, Allah has given it
as the husband's function as kaumuna.
Then, how does the wife become a
protector, ee shelter. If a wife tries
to protect, then she will automatically
feel proud. But if the wife has
protected her husband, what happens?
What happens? Yes, there can be chaos.
Chaos occurs. Therefore, what causes
all this to happen? As I said earlier,
it is our process. Therefore, when we
start entering the marriage process, it
is no longer oh my wife is smarter than
me. No that. Oh, my wife is prettier,
oh more this. No that. But when we
enter into a marriage, in a household,
at that time, put ourselves as a
husband, put ourselves as a wife.
That's what's important. Make ourselves
into a husband, make ourselves We
become a wife. That's important. Create
conditions, interactions, communication
about each other's functions. When
those functions have exchanged, yes.
When the earth's plates move, shift,
our lives vibrate. According to its
function.
Yes. But Ustaz, look at the question,
listen to it. He said I am Ustaz, peace
be upon him. I am a servant of Allah
who is in a polygamous marriage. My
husband rarely provides physical
support, and in 15 days, only one night
. But what I'm still confused about, I
can't accept that, why is he so jealous
of me? Ohoh. He is in a polygamous
marriage, but he is very jealous. This
is one. Then later, while discussing it
, Mas Krishna, try reading another one.
Please, Ustaz.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin. Allahumma
shalli ala Muhammad wa ali Muhammad. A
man who remarries after his wife does
not mean he doesn't love his wife.
There are many reasons, many reasons
that encourage a man to remarry. His
wife is good, his wife is pious, but a
man may feel that he has advantages in
himself. which is not Being taken in by
his wife ultimately leads him to
remarry. So, when he remarries, he must
truly be fair between his wives. If
here, say 3 days, there 3 days. He must
also provide fair living expenses, and
he must also treat them fairly. As for
matters concerning his heart, God knows
best, but what is shown must truly be
fair treatment. And don't compare the
two because each has advantages and
disadvantages. And don't praise one in
front of the other. Don't denigrate one
in front of the other. Ultimately, it
will upset the balance. So, in this
case, if a man remarries and is very
jealous of his wife, it shows that his
heart deeply loves her, deeply loves
her. He is afraid of losing his
jealousy, which is actually a fence
that protects his married life so that
he doesn't lose what he loves. It's
also natural for women to be jealous.
So, if a woman in her married life
finds her husband remarrying, her
husband can be kind and fair in his
treatment, and he shouldn't demand
something that could destroy their
household by asking for a divorce.
Unless her husband acts Unfair,
committing abuse, in this case it is
her right to ask for freedom.
15 nights or just one night is fair. It
depends on what happens there. Let's
say it's 15 nights there, 15 nights
there, it could be like that, we don't
know. So, the wife can be open with her
husband. The wife can be open with her
husband and it should be a secret
between them. She has the right to
demand that her husband treat her as he
treats the younger ones. Not only in
terms of the number of days, not only
in terms of physical support, but also
in terms of spiritual support. If not,
her husband is responsible before Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. Don't be like some
of Abu Bakr's logic.
When he married, he promised his first
wife," I will be fair. "So he married
the younger one 10 days, the older one
one day. When his wife said," You
promised to be fair, "then her husband
said," I have been fair. I have lived
with you for 10 years and she has only
been a few days. So I have to replace
her, "he has the right to answer."
This is what men are called, not smart.
Men who are cunning.
Tricks
in household life. Cleverness in
speaking, cleverness in arguing, will
not be able to change what is wrong is
wrong, what is right is
right. So, don't just be clever in
speaking to cover up the facts of the
truth. Justice must truly be carried
out as God commands. As for feelings,
say he loves one more because he is
more obedient, better, or say that from
there he gets children, from here not.
It must be hidden, it cannot be shown.
Treat wives in a good way as our
prophet did. Otherwise, there will be
dissatisfaction with polygamy as a
solution. It is not a command from God
to marry. Because when God said
regarding polygamy, God said, "Wainftum
alla tuqsitu filatama fankhu thaakum
minisna wauba.""God has a reason for
providing this polygamy solution. If
you are unable to treat orphans fairly,
for example, an uncle takes care of his
sister's orphan. He takes care of her
and inherits this daughter. Then the
uncle says,' Rather than this daughter
going far away, her wealth going into
the hands of someone else, it would be
better if I marry her to my daughter. '
" The son married this woman not
because he wanted her, but because he
wanted her wealth. He
didn't even give her a dowry. Allah
condemns this kind of behavior. If you
are unable to treat an orphan well,
because of his weakness, his
helplessness, it is better for you to
marry another woman you like. Either
two or having two wives. Matna is
different from itnatain.
If itnatain is two, if matna is the
status of having two wives.
Tsulat is different from the same. If
prayer is three. If thulat is a man who
has three wives. Hm.
That is called sighah muhawalah in
Arabic. Rubaah is also a man who has
four wives. So it doesn't mean 2 + 3 +
4, right? So if you don't have enough
for one, then two. As long as you marry
with love and are ready to take
responsibility. But if you marry
because of wealth not because of love,
what will be the result? The result is
that he will abuse this woman. Only her
wealth attracts his attention. So Allah
says, "If you are unable to treat
orphans fairly, marry the woman you
like. It can be with two, three, or
four wives. But remember, fain khiftum
alla tadilu." If you are not able to be
fair, yes fawahidah, then you are only
allowed to marry one woman. So it is
not a recommendation from Allah to
marry two, but a solution for men who
are afraid of not being fair to the
orphans whom he marries, he marries the
women he likes. This is important.
Marrying the woman he likes is
important. Because if not, it will have
fatal consequences later. In the end,
the wife does not become a wife who is
intimated with but is not divorced. It
is left to the muallaqah. Like what?
like a topok or bujur, the Tegal people
say that those who are placed on a
hanger are no longer used at all. It is
sad if the wife is like this. So a man
must have a sincere intention to marry
to be responsible for treating his wife
in a good way. If not, if not, it is
better for him to marry another woman.
Well, people often assume that this is
a command from Allah, not a command. So
we see in this case that many people
misunderstand the guidance of Allah
Subhanahu wa taala. Ustaz Ab Bakar,
please. Alhamdulillah, someone who has
to remarry has become a provision
because he remarried. It does not mean
he wants to. It does not mean he want.
One story of a husband and wife came
and said, "Mm, I want to get married
again. I want to ask for my wife's
permission." Then the wife said, "I
can't. I don't want to give it." A week
, two weeks of communication. I said, "
What makes you not give it?""
It's impossible. I don't want to get
married." Okay, I asked the husband
again, what do you want to get married
again?
Because he can have me. Because he can
have me. Then I asked, "You can't have
your husband?""Well, now I'm bound by
marriage. Do you have one yet?""I, I
serve, I give." Right. Okay. But you
don't have the husband wants to have.
What can I have? He said, "I have, I do
what he wants me to do." The husband
said that's not it. What you asked,
tell your wife so that you won't marry
again if you have that. I don't know
what I can say to my wife. Confused.
Okay, I let it be for a month. Then the
month after that the wife said, "Okay,
yes I allow it."
The wife said, "I allow it. I allow him
to marry again." Then
when he remarried, Subhanallah, the
wife became so loyal to her husband.
Unfortunately the husband said, "I
should regret marrying again because my
wife now I get she has me."
Before there was no competition.
Now there is competition.
Before there was no competition. This
is a moment. So the wife's sanctions,
yes, the second wife was confused.
Then the husband said, "Do I divorce
her?" The second, the wife said, "No,
no, still." And he is so close to his
honey.
Subhanallah. Since my husband married
him, he has loved me even more
because the process happened. Because
the process happened. What was perhaps
not attentive before became attentive
and the wife also became the same
process. This happened, this is the
reality that happened.
It means that polygamy brings mercy,
yes. A case similar to Abu Bakar's
happened to my in-laws. A woman came to
my in-laws to complain about her
husband. Then her husband was attentive
, gentle, and really cared for her
feelings, but for a long time now,
recently, he has started to act rudely,
get angry, and pay less attention. What
do you think is the reason, Mr. Arsang?
Well, my in-law's name is Mr. Arsang.
He knows the reason. He said, "Mom, I
want you to convey it, explain it
openly." He said, "Yes. In the past,
your husband was kind to you like he
had a wife."
Hm.
He has a wife, yes. Well, when he had
two wives on his own, he tried to
maintain his attitude towards his wives
. The first one was gentle with my
mother and so on. But later he divorced
his wife.
Apparently, what caused this? Turmoil
in his heart. Come on, he said,' Sir,
please encourage my husband to remarry.
The important thing is that he is good
to me. '"This is a true story.
This is a true story. So sometimes we
find husbands who behave better once
they remarry. Even though there are men
who are insane, once they get married
they treat their previous wives in a
bad way. This is not polygamy in Islam
that is wrong. Humans are like doctors
committing malpractice.
Malpractice. Isn't that right,
Ustaz? That's what happens all the time
.
Please. Yes. So ee if we look at the
processes of everything that happens,
this is a process in which we try to
create it. Trying. Our minds always
want what we want. Not what Allah gives
but what we want. Because we try to
create. When we try to create fear, we
will be afraid. If we try to create
happiness, then we will be able to get
happiness. Because our thought process
is what makes us get something.
Therefore, now how do we try to create
happiness? Yes, create happiness.
Insyaallah that happiness will get
happiness that is truly real in our
lives. Thank you. Insyaallah. thrown
away hoping for rain from the sky.
Okay, thank you Ustaz Senata Ustaz
Ustaz Abu Bakar Baraja. Unfortunately
our time is limited so we also
apologize to the listeners who have
sent us SMS, we can't read it all due
to time constraints. Don't forget that
on Sunday there will be a Sunday
recitation with Ustaz Husin Alatas and
Ustaz Teri Nurdi on Sunday, October 28,
2018, from 8:00 to 12:00 at the
Silaturahim Mosque, Jalan Masjid
Silaturahim Kalimanggis Cibubur. Then
at the Nanjar Mosque, there will also
be a recitation on Saturday with Ustaz
Husin Alatas, Ustaz Hamzah Alatas,
Ustaz Umar Ibrahim and Ustaz Fawas Abi
Zawiyah. Saturday is Sunday at the
Silaturahim Mosque. Okay, thank you.
Please take your leave, Ms. Nuning Moon
. If at the end of the understanding
between husband and wife can be as
Ustaz ee said earlier. Subhanallah. So
don't forget, Ikhwan Akhwat that the
husband is the sun that will brighten
and warm our days. While the wife is
the earth that is so longing for and
hoping for the light and warmth of the
sun. O husbands, wives, let our days be
like the warmth of the sun and the
earth. Ustaz, thank you very much.
Hopefully, these thoughts regarding
sharing a husband's affection in
polygamy will truly make the journey of
our married life, and our heavenly
companions there, become peaceful,
loving, and compassionate. Thank you
again. May God grant us guidance. Peace
be upon you and mercy be upon you.
Rasil TV for the one Islam.