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0:00 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious 0:01 , the Most Merciful. All praise is due 0:02 to Allah, Lord of the worlds. O Allah, 0:03 send prayers upon our master Muhammad 0:05 and upon the family of our master 0:07 Muhammad. Peace be upon you, and the 0:09 mercy of Allah and His blessings. 0:10 And unto you peace. 0:11 Brothers and sisters, listeners of 0:12 Silaturahim radio and viewers of Rasil 0:14 TV, may Allah bless you all. Praise be 0:17 to Allah, we meet again this Sunday 0:21 afternoon, the 24th of Rabiul Awal 1448 0:25 Hijri, which corresponds to September 6 0:28 , 2026. And as usual, on the first 0:32 Sunday of every month, we present our 0:34 communication talk show with Dr. Laila 0:36 Mona Ganim, who, praise be to Allah, is 0:39 already here in the studio. Let’s 0:41 greet our sister. Peace be upon you, 0:43 and the mercy of Allah and His 0:44 blessings, Bu Mona. And unto you peace, 0:46 and the mercy of Allah and His 0:47 blessings, Mas Fahri. How are you? How 0:48 are you, Bunda? I'm healthy. Praise be 0:50 to Allah. Praise be to Allah, I can 0:52 host this program again, Bunda. 0:54 MasyaAllah. MasyaAllah. 0:57 And today, the theme that will be 0:59 presented by Bu Mona is about the 1:00 difficulty of talking heart-to-heart. 1:04 Now, this is something we sometimes 1:06 experience too, isn't it, Bu? 1:08 That's right. 1:09 What are the factors that make it 1:10 difficult for people to speak 1:11 heart-to-heart? Indeed. 1:13 Is it just a communication factor, or 1:15 is there a certain ego involved, Bu? 1:18 There is a certain ego, there is 1:19 reluctance. 1:21 Yes. Many people might talk about 1:24 politics, economic issues, or any other 1:26 topics. But when it comes to personal 1:29 issues or feelings, sometimes we feel 1:31 a bit awkward, right, Bu? 1:33 Yes. It feels a bit strange. Now, today 1:35 we will discuss it, and later for those 1:38 who want to join in or ask questions, 1:40 you can comment or ask at 0811999720. 1:47 Please, Bu Mona, the floor is yours. 1:48 Thank you. Peace be upon you, and the 1:50 mercy of Allah and His blessings. 1:53 Brothers and sisters who are blessed by 1:55 Allah. Praise be to Allah, today we 1:58 meet again and we will discuss why 2:00 it’s so hard 2:02 to talk heart-to-heart. Brothers and 2:08 sisters, have we ever wondered why, 2:11 when speaking to the people we love 2:14 most, we are actually the most likely 2:18 to get sulky? 2:21 Why is that? Perhaps because we are too 2:26 busy wanting to be heard, and we don't 2:30 make time to listen. Yet, that is a 2:34 very important need for every person. 2:40 Sometimes the people closest to us are 2:44 the hardest ones to talk to 2:46 heart-to-heart. 2:49 Hm. Even though they are the closest, 2:50 right? Exactly. It’s difficult. 2:55 To talk about something secret or 2:57 personal. 3:00 It feels uncomfortable. Yeah. We live 3:05 in the same house with our partner, 3:07 then we meet our children every day or 3:10 meet our parents every day, and we 3:12 often talk to them. But are we truly 3:20 listening to their feelings, or are we 3:23 being listened to in return? Like Mas 3:29 Fahri said, we can talk about politics, 3:32 current issues, 3:35 or the current situation and so on for 3:39 hours, but our hearts might not 3:43 necessarily meet. We ask, but we don't 3:51 really listen, or we give advice but 3:55 forget to understand. Sometimes, a 4:01 single sentence from someone we love 4:04 can hurt more than 1,000 words from 4:08 anyone else. Well, maybe that’s why 4:13 heart-to-heart talk isn't about who is 4:16 the most eloquent speaker. It’s about 4:22 the willingness to stop for a moment, 4:25 drop your ego, and say, "I want to 4:31 understand you." Like that. So, in the 4:36 end, what keeps a family close isn't 4:41 because we never have differences or 4:47 never fight, right? But because after 4:52 all that, they still have the space to 4:54 return, talk, and listen to each other. 4:58 So there is a home to return to, a home 5:01 for each other's hearts. Exactly. For 5:06 example, a husband comes home from work 5:10 and the wife feels neglected. The 5:14 husband comes home, eats, then gets 5:16 busy with his phone. The wife gets 5:20 annoyed, instead of a heart-to-heart, 5:23 she says, "You come home and are always 5:27 on your phone.""You never give me 5:30 attention at home," so she gets angry. 5:35 Now, if you have a heart-to-heart, you 5:38 say, "I know you're tired from work, 5:42 but lately, I feel like we rarely talk. 5:46 ""I actually really miss talking to you 5:52 .""Even if it's just for a bit, maybe 5:56 15 minutes, we could have a 5:58 heart-to-heart.""Can we chat for a bit 6:02 while we eat or before we go to sleep?" 6:10 So, the message is not to make 6:13 accusations. What we need to do is 6:18 express our feelings and needs. That is 6:23 a heart-to-heart talk with our partner. 6:27 Another example is a child coming home 6:31 from school with bad grades. The child 6:37 brings home exam results, but the marks 6:40 are disappointing. They worry that 6:45 their parents won't be happy. Uh. 6:51 Imagine if you don't speak from the 6:54 heart, "That's why you're always on 6:57 your phone, what will become of you?" 7:01 That 7:02 is not speaking from the heart. Now, if 7:06 you do it from the heart, a parent 7:09 could say, "Mama sees your grades have 7:12 dropped.""Mama is indeed disappointed, 7:19 but I want to know more about""what 7:25 difficulties you have in this subject 7:28 or if there's something making it hard 7:32 for you to study lately." Why? Well, 7:38 that sentence or statement can open the 7:42 door for the child to share. It could 7:49 be that they aren't lazy, not that they 7:53 didn't study, but because they have 7:57 problems with friends or health issues. 8:03 Ma'am. So they couldn't understand the 8:06 lesson, or maybe it's their eyes, or 8:09 they feel pressured by bullying. So, we 8:16 find out without judging. This makes it 8:20 possible to have a heart-to-heart talk. 8:24 Or when parents keep asking, "When will 8:27 you get married?" And that could be met 8:35 with an emotional response. "Don't 8:38 interfere, this is my life." Getting 8:42 angry. So, what if the parents, uh, or 8:51 the child talks to their parents 8:52 instead, Ma'am? "I know..." Mom asks 8:59 because she cares and wants to see me 9:02 happy. I also want to have a family. 9:08 But when that question keeps coming up, 9:12 I feel pressured. If there’s 9:17 something I want to share later, I’ll 9:20 definitely tell you, Mom. For now, 9:24 let’s talk about something else 9:26 instead, shall we? Uh that statement 9:35 allows us to set boundaries without 9:42 losing respect for our parents. So, 9:46 heart-to-heart talks are something we 9:51 need to get used to. A heart-to-heart 9:54 talk doesn't mean being emotionless. 9:59 Instead, we learn to turn emotions into 10:05 words that can be accepted and heard by 10:08 the people we love. There are three 10:13 easy-to-remember keywords. We need to 10:19 feel, we need to listen, we need to 10:22 convey. Feel, 10:25 listen, 10:26 convey. Not getting angry, accusing, 10:30 then regretting it later. Now, the 10:36 question is why is it getting harder 10:41 for us to have heart-to-heart talks? 10:45 Why can we have hundreds of friends but 10:50 feel so alone? Why do chats often lead 10:58 to misunderstandings? Why are people 11:05 bolder about being rude on social media 11:07 ? He 11:10 eh. So, various situations make it not 11:17 easy to talk heart-to-heart. We know 11:21 technology can speed up communication, 11:24 but it doesn't necessarily deepen it. 11:30 We need to return to communication that 11:32 brings out our humanity. Being heard, 11:37 understood, having our feelings 11:40 acknowledged, and giving meaning to our 11:48 interactions with others. Communication 11:51 isn't just about exchanging messages, 11:53 but about understanding people. Uh I 12:00 made a batik design, you know. He, a 12:04 batik design 12:06 a communication batik that explains 12:09 that communication is not just talking, 12:12 but understanding people. uh it is 12:23 easier for us to communicate, but not 12:26 easy to understand because technology 12:29 allows us to interact with many people. 12:33 That's right. It makes it easier, right 12:34 ? 12:35 It makes it easier, but it's hard to 12:37 communicate. We just type, we just vote 12:40 , we just send a video call, right? 12:45 uploading messages H 12:47 very easy. But strangely, we are more 12:55 easily connected, but not necessarily 12:57 better at understanding others. So what 13:02 has changed is how we communicate and 13:05 treat other human beings. We 13:10 communicate more, but listen less. We 13:15 share more, but listen less. 13:18 It feels one-way, right? 13:19 It feels like one-way reciprocity. 13:21 True. Uh, if it's reciprocal, sometimes 13:26 we're just waiting for our turn. 13:28 He. 13:29 Oh, after this it's my turn to speak— 13:31 click—rather than actually 13:33 understanding. 13:34 Yeah. So responding just to talk back. 13:40 On social media, people race to comment 13:43 , share info, and all sorts of things. 13:48 Sharing this, sharing that. 13:53 Communication isn't just about what I 13:56 want to say, but what is being felt and 14:02 wants to be conveyed to others. So 14:06 listening is very important, Mas Fahri. 14:11 Someone says, "I'm doing just fine." 14:17 But that four-step communication makes 14:20 us ask, "Are they really okay?" Some 14:26 people don't need advice; they just 14:28 need someone present to listen. "So, 14:32 there is a 14:34 uh new job, right, 14:37 that I uh watched a while ago 14:41 in uh China. H 14:45 The job is to accompany people. 14:49 Yeah. Uh, for one session of 14:51 accompanying, they're paid 1 million 14:53 rupiah, right. Just waiting, 14:56 accompanying them to eat, or going 14:58 somewhere, or doing whatever, right. 15:02 Because people just need the presence 15:07 of someone else or someone to talk to, 15:09 right. That's how much people need to 15:13 connect with others. I 15:16 and that is what communication is. It's 15:18 not just me sending a message and you 15:20 sending a message. That's it, right. So 15:23 , uh 15:24 uh 15:25 just sharing a message, right. 15:26 Just sharing a message. If it were a 15:29 game, it would be like bowling, right. 15:32 He 15:34 taking turns, one sends the ball, then 15:37 the other takes a turn and sends a new 15:40 one, smack. 15:42 But uh, it's like tennis, right, 15:45 a volley, 15:46 back-and-forth talking, like a TikTok, 15:48 right. 15:50 Chat makes us lose a lot of human 15:53 language, this chat stuff. Yeah. 15:57 There's no nonverbal, no expression. 16:01 Vocal expression is also lost, no 16:03 intonation. Uh, no eye contact, no 16:08 pauses, right. The pauses are also, 16:11 yeah, uh, like that. Maybe sometimes 16:15 just a line break, that's it for a 16:17 pause, right. That's already quite good 16:19 , sometimes people forget, right. 16:21 Yeah. 16:21 Even body language is gone, right. The 16:25 phrase" ya sudah "could mean accepting, 16:31 could mean disappointed, could mean 16:33 angry or resigned. But when delivered 16:37 with vocal expression," ya sudah ", 16:39 right, it's something else or" 16:43 ya sudah ", right. Uh, digital 16:46 technology speeds things up, but the 16:48 meaning is prone to misinterpretation. 16:55 Iwan and Akhwat. Uh, why are we bolder 16:59 in hurting people in the digital world? 17:06 When meeting in person we can be polite 17:08 , on social media the comments can be 17:10 hitting, sharp, 17:12 uh not caring, right. There are many 17:15 cases like that. 17:15 Many cases like that. Even staying 17:17 silent, dios. 17:19 Dios. Yeah. 17:21 How can they be so cruel with their 17:22 words, right. 17:24 Uh, because maybe behind the screen, we 17:29 never see, or we don't need to see, the 17:32 human receiving our message. 17:35 Yeah. 17:37 We see an account, we see someone's 17:39 profile, or just a username. Even 17:44 though behind that account, there is an 17:45 actual person, you know. A person who 17:49 has feelings. So, uh, one of the 17:54 challenges of digital communication is 17:59 restoring human presence in 18:02 technology-mediated communication. 18:06 Yeah. Before hitting send, we need to 18:14 ask," If this person were sitting in 18:19 front of me, receiving this message, 18:21 how would they feel, right? "" So we 18:23 understand the human. If the answer is 18:29 no, maybe we need to edit that text 18:33 again. That's why when writing, we need 18:36 to re-check, read and reread, right. 18:40 Yeah. 18:44 The thing that cannot be fully 18:46 delegated to technology is empathy. I 18:54 understand your feelings. But humans 18:59 who truly understand others 'feelings 19:02 must be present, listening, and caring. 19:08 Amidst increasingly sophisticated 19:11 digital tools, are humans still capable 19:15 of communicating humanely with one 19:18 another? This is a reflective question 19:21 we need to re-examine. Communication 19:25 should make people feel heard, valued, 19:29 understood, not alone, and capable of 19:32 facing problems. We need to build those 19:38 feelings. And this has shifted because 19:42 of 19:43 technology. 19:43 That’s right. 19:45 Technology will continue to evolve. 19:50 Artificial intelligence will get 19:53 smarter, social media or communication 19:56 media will get faster, and 19:59 communication will be easier, but there 20:02 is one thing we must not lose. The 20:06 ability to be human for other humans. 20:12 Because communication or people don't 20:15 just need information; they need to be 20:22 understood, comprehended, and treated 20:24 as human beings. They don't just need 20:28 messages; they need the presence of 20:30 others. They don't just need 20:34 connections, but meaningful 20:36 relationships. Technology may get 20:42 smarter, but communication shouldn't 20:45 lose its humanity. So, Iwan and 20:51 everyone, we will discuss tips for 20:54 speaking heart-to-heart. That's right. 20:59 The first is creating a sense of safety 21:02 so people dare to speak the truth. 21:09 Start with intent, not from the problem 21:12 . Don't start a conversation with "I 21:16 have to make them understand." Start 21:21 with "I want to understand you." 21:27 This is very different. A plot twist, 21:31 right? 21:35 We end up understanding people. I 21:38 think I feel attached if I can " 21:41 I want to understand you" 21:44 is very touching. 21:45 Very touching, indeed. 21:46 Yeah. 21:47 It clicks immediately. "Why have you 21:52 changed?" That doesn't sound pleasant. 21:56 "I feel like lately, we've drifted 22:00 apart." Yeah. " 22:01 I want to know""how you're actually 22:05 feeling?" That sounds better, like they 22:10 might open up about those feelings. 22:16 Talk about feelings, not judgments. Use 22:22 a simple pattern. "I feel""this way 22:30 when you do this, and I hope for this." 22:39 "I feel less close lately when we 22:41 rarely talk.""I actually miss""having 22:48 time to talk together." Different from 22:56 "I feel like you're not paying 22:58 attention to me anymore." This is a 23:03 significant difference, right? The 23:08 first one opens a dialogue. The second 23:11 one makes people get ready to defend 23:13 themselves. It feels like being judged, 23:16 like the "you're not paying attention 23:19 anymore" comment. Even though, actually 23:23 , we just wanted to say, "I miss you." 23:26 Right. 23:27 But the way we speak really must be 23:33 updated, upgraded, and carefully chosen 23:37 . So the first one was creating a sense 23:41 of safety. The intention is also to 23:43 create safety. Second, 23:45 talk about feelings. There is a formula 23:49 : "I feel this way when you do this, 23:52 and I want this, I hope for this." 23:56 Word choice, perhaps? 23:57 Word choice. Yeah. 23:59 So it doesn't come across as judgmental 24:01 or accusatory. 24:01 Exactly. Exactly. So, talking about 24:04 feelings, I feel lately we rarely talk, 24:08 you know. I feel a bit distant from you 24:11 lately. Because we rarely talk. How 24:18 about we set aside, uh, 15 minutes 24:22 every day 24:24 to 24:26 uh, talk about our feelings. What makes 24:30 you happy, your joy today, and so on. 24:35 Then another thing is listen until the 24:39 end. Don't interrupt. Heart-to-heart 24:45 talks fail because we not because we 24:50 aren't good at talking, 24:52 uh, 24:53 but because we answer too fast, we 24:55 interrupt too fast. Yeah. 24:58 When your partner, child, or parent is 25:01 talking, right. Uh, a while ago my 25:07 child called to talk, uh, 25:10 said this, "Okay, Mom, I want to tell 25:13 you something, but please listen until 25:16 I'm done." That was very reflective for 25:19 me. Okay, okay, okay. 25:22 Uh, from the start they already 25:24 reminded me, right. 25:26 Oh, yeah, right. I'm listening. Oh, I 25:29 see. Oh, yeah, I get it. Right. When 25:32 finished, they felt much better. Uh, 25:38 don't give advice right away. Uh, a 25:42 parent's instinct is just like that, 25:45 you know. 25:46 Instantly reactive. 25:47 Just reactive, 25:48 right. Quick to respond. 25:50 Yes, you should do this or that, right. 25:54 Don't compare, don't interrupt, uh, 25:58 don't rush to find who is wrong. Right. 26:03 Uh, this is a natural human instinct. 26:07 Especially because of how much we care. 26:10 But try to talk heart-to-heart, as I 26:13 said, heart-to-heart is hard, you know. 26:16 How to talk from the heart. So what you 26:23 actually feel, right. Ah, this simple 26:32 sentence sends a message: your feelings 26:38 reach me, and with a spouse, don't just 26:40 talk about chores, talk about your 26:46 inner world too. Connecting as husband 26:50 and wife often turns into functional 26:52 communication. What is this person's 26:54 task? What is that person's task. Did 26:57 you eat, pick up the kids tomorrow, 26:59 have the bills been paid. Once in a 27:02 while, ask something deeper. So, lately 27:05 , what makes you the most tired? Yes, 27:09 is there something you're thinking 27:11 about but haven't had the chance to say 27:13 ? What can I do to make you feel more 27:19 supported? And don't forget to share 27:27 about ourselves from the heart, not an 27:33 interview. With children, don't rush to 27:39 be a parent. Be a safe space. Children 27:44 often don't need solutions. They need 27:50 someone willing to listen, once again, 27:52 until they are 27:54 finished. 27:55 Yeah. To just listen. 27:58 Just listen. 27:59 Is there, right? 28:00 Maybe we don't know it. Uh, that's 28:03 because life is so transactional. 28:07 Yes. Even though we need to have close 28:12 people in our home who should be 28:14 filling that. 28:16 Yes. 28:16 Yeah. When a child says, "I hate school 28:21 ." Don't immediately don't do that. 28:27 School is for your future. Later you'll 28:30 be this, that times width times height. 28:35 But that seems correct, right? But the 28:38 child doesn't want to accept it. 28:41 Yes. Need to understand first, then 28:44 know the problem. Uh-huh. 28:46 Correct. That seems right. Uh, you look 28:50 like you're not comfortable at school, 28:53 right? Try telling me about it. 28:55 Hm. 28:57 What's wrong? Makes the child feel okay 29:02 . There's a safe space to talk. Uh-huh. 29:07 Even when a child makes a mistake, 29:10 separate the wrong behavior from their 29:13 self-worth. 29:15 Hm. What you did was wrong, but you are 29:21 still Mom's child. 29:26 Come on, let's find out why it happened 29:30 . This is very important. So the child 29:35 feels uh can be open uh can be honest 29:44 about what they are thinking. With our 29:48 parents, listen to experiences, not 29:53 just giving opinions, with parents 29:56 sometimes we feel they give too much 30:00 advice, right? Uh but behind my current 30:06 advice, I'm even waiting to be advised 30:09 by my parents, I want to be advised, 30:12 want to be told this and that. 30:16 But my parents rarely do it anymore, so 30:19 yeah, I just listen. Uh-huh. 30:24 Sometimes we need that too. 30:26 Yes. This advice is out of trying to uh 30:30 understand, right? Even though 30:33 sometimes it is needed. 30:36 Uh, while maybe because my parents are 30:40 elderly. While with our children, we 30:44 immediately tell them, give them 30:46 guidance. Uh behind the advice, there 30:55 is indeed often a need to feel still 31:00 meaningful. Uh instead of saying "Mom, 31:07 don't interfere, it's my own future." 31:10 For example, like that. I know you're 31:13 actually worried and want the best for 31:16 me. But can I tell you how I see this 31:23 problem first? So we can listen to the 31:30 point of view, what perspective makes 31:33 them 31:34 mm feel uh why it happened, so they 31:44 also feel their perspective is valued. 31:49 Something like that. 31:51 Alright. 31:52 Sir. Yes, let's take a break, maybe 31:56 waiting for those who want to join this 31:58 afternoon's communication talk show, 32:00 Iwan Ahwat, regarding the difficulty of 32:02 speaking heart to heart. We will return 32:06 after the break, stay with us, Iwan. 32:10 Radio Rasil for Islam, still with us, 32:13 Iwan Awat on the communication talk 32:15 show with Dr. Laila Monaganim. The 32:18 theme presented is about the difficulty 32:20 of speaking heart to heart. So, several 32:23 points have been shared by Mrs. Mona 32:26 regarding tips to avoid the difficulty 32:28 of speaking heart to heart, right, 32:31 Ma'am? 32:32 Yes. 32:33 From a gender perspective, is it 32:35 usually women or men who have 32:36 difficulty? Because there are also 32:39 women who, uh, demand men to understand 32:42 even though they haven't explained it 32:44 yet. So how about those like that? 32:48 Without saying a word, they must 32:49 understand. Mind reading, right? 32:51 Yes. Everyone becomes what? A 32:53 mind-reading expert. 32:56 the hope is because we don't, don't 32:58 talk heart-to-heart, right? 33:01 Yes. Mm, women are, uh, indeed 33:04 talkative, aren't they, tend to be. But 33:09 , uh, the skill of using, so that we 33:16 have the skill to speak heart-to-heart 33:21 is also necessary. 33:22 Find the atmosphere, find the time, 33:24 right? 33:27 Asking for time so we can both set it 33:29 aside, that needs to be done. Uh, 33:33 that's why, like earlier, I felt uh 33:41 that, yeah, I felt, mm, there's a bit 33:45 of distance or felt like there's... 33:50 Yeah. Something uncomfortable 33:53 because we rarely talk, for example. 33:57 How about we find time, let's say 15 34:00 minutes every day to talk about this, 34:03 for example, right? So, uh, there's 34:10 what I feel, 34:13 because of what, so what do we want, 34:15 like that. 34:16 Heh. 34:17 That's a simple formula, right? We can 34:22 do it like that. 34:23 Yes. Now, for men, what they usually 34:26 talk about—if women talk 34:28 heart-to-heart, right, tend to be 34:30 heart-to-heart. 34:32 Uh, but men tend to talk about 34:38 practical matters, right? Yeah. Now, 34:43 that heart-to-heart talk shouldn't just 34:48 be about gossip or talking about 34:53 uh, feelings and so on that aren't 34:56 productive. 34:58 But how to have a heart-to-heart talk 35:00 that is productive. That's what needs 35:02 to be done. Right, with the right 35:04 person, right. 35:05 Right. 35:06 Sometimes with a partner, it's 35:07 sometimes uncomfortable to talk about, 35:09 right? Heh. 35:10 Talking about sensitive things, for 35:12 instance, is uncomfortable, right? 35:14 Yeah. 35:16 Because it happens in the family, right 35:18 . Yeah. 35:20 Or talking to parents, talking to kids, 35:23 talking to, well, those environments or 35:27 people in our circle in a personal 35:30 context. 35:31 Yes. Yes. 35:32 Yeah. 35:32 Sometimes blocked by that feeling of 35:34 awkwardness, right? Uncomfortable, 35:35 right? 35:36 Or, uh, had an experience 35:39 of not being understood. 35:40 Hm. So I'm just too lazy to talk again. 35:42 G... 35:42 I'm just too lazy to talk again. 35:44 Alright, 35:46 continuing, there's, there's one that 35:48 came in, a question that came in via 35:49 the secret WhatsApp from Ibu Pani, Ms. 35:51 Mona. Peace be upon you, and Allah's 35:53 mercy and blessings. 35:54 Peace be upon you too. 35:55 Ms. Mona, may I ask a question. I am 35:57 the type of person who is open and has 35:58 many friends. 35:59 Yes. 36:00 And I like to socialize, but I cannot 36:02 be open to my parents or family. Yes. 36:05 I don't want to be open about 36:06 unpleasant problems, but for good 36:08 situations, I am open. Because my 36:10 principle is that when we are open 36:13 about unpleasant problems, it only 36:15 makes them sad. But if we share 36:17 beautiful news, it makes them happy. Is 36:20 my nature like this wrong, Ms. Mona? 36:23 That is all. 36:23 Yes. Uh, in my opinion, we can gauge it 36:28 with our own conditions, right? Is it, 36:32 for example, like this? 36:35 Uh, my mother is quite elderly now, so 36:39 I won't talk much about things that 36:43 might make her overthink or worry. 36:48 Yeah. Keep thinking about it, right? 36:49 Yeah. But when it really needs to be 36:53 addressed, expressing something 36:56 heart-to-heart, "Mom, I'd like you to 36:59 be this way or that way with me," is 37:02 fine. 37:04 Yeah, that's okay. Uh, or, for example, 37:08 a situation...A sensitive situation, 37:13 for instance. 37:14 Uh. 37:15 What might that look like? Any examples 37:17 ? 37:17 Yes. Suppose we like to help our 37:19 parents or share our earnings, Ma'am. 37:22 Suppose there's... 37:23 If, for example, we suddenly don't give 37:25 them anything because of a certain 37:26 reason, 37:26 and we don't communicate it to our 37:28 parents, it could lead to 37:28 misunderstandings later on. Now, like 37:30 that, for example. 37:30 Yeah, that situation could certainly 37:32 happen, right? 37:33 If that situation arises, some things 37:36 need to be discussed, while others 37:38 don't, you know. Yeah. 37:40 When we are in a, uh, limited situation 37:45 , 37:46 and we, uh, need to—I think it's 37:49 necessary to speak up because if not, 37:51 it might lead to thoughts, maybe... 37:54 prejudices. 37:55 Prejudices. Oh, maybe their partner 37:58 doesn't allow it, for instance. 38:00 Right? Yeah. Or, oh, maybe there's this 38:04 or that, whatever it is. Uh, that's why 38:09 we can say, "Mom, may I share something 38:14 ? Right now, I have..." 38:18 Some, yeah. 38:21 some rather urgent needs. So, I'm so 38:26 sorry, okay? Yeah. 38:29 As best as we can, we convey it 38:32 heart-to-heart. 38:34 Yes. 38:34 Yeah. Uh, I'm so sorry, Mom. For 38:38 example, we convey it as well as 38:40 possible so that our parents... 38:44 don't, yeah. don't imagine things that 38:48 aren't actually happening. So, actually 38:52 , uh, my partner, for example, 38:57 my wife or husband, is very supportive 38:59 and really wants to help out. But right 39:02 now, 39:04 there are urgent costs, so, 39:07 God willing, for the time being, I'm so 39:09 sorry, Mom, something like that. 39:12 Yes, we can communicate that; there are 39:14 things we need to discuss 39:18 heart-to-heart. 39:20 Hm. 39:21 Yeah. Some things, wisely, we know are 39:26 sensitive to talk about because they 39:31 might cause problems or complications. 39:35 Yes. 39:36 Just let it be, that's our technical 39:38 issue that we can handle on our own. 39:41 Yeah. 39:43 Like that. So, really, the 39:45 considerations are rational, emotional, 39:48 and rely on our own wisdom. But don't 39:53 let it be that we know it's important, 39:56 but we're reluctant to talk, or out of 39:58 ego, 39:59 or we're incapable of understanding 40:01 others. So we, uh, avoid it, or for 40:05 example, if Mom or our parents, our 40:09 father or mother, seem really cold and 40:13 act as if they're upset with us. 40:17 We need to talk, right? 40:19 We need to ask. 40:21 Hm. Heart-to-heart. What's actually 40:25 wrong? We need to, uh, convey it 40:30 sincerely. 40:34 Mom, I love you so much, Mom. Mmm. You 40:43 are everything for me. Yeah. 40:47 Mmm. I feel like lately, Mom has been 40:53 so quiet, or Dad has been so quiet. Is 40:57 something wrong? May I know what the 40:59 problem is? We want to know, right? 41:04 Yeah. So, heart-to-heart talks require 41:08 opening the door with good intentions, 41:10 with a good delivery, and a willingness 41:13 to listen well. 41:15 True. Correct. 41:15 Yeah. It's more about how we deliver it 41:18 . How to open up communication with our 41:20 parents, right, Ms. Muna? Yeah. 41:22 Yes. Some say, "Oh, people, don't say 41:25 unpleasant things. That's not good, 41:28 actually." 41:29 Yes. 41:30 That's right. It actually should be 41:31 conveyed, right? 41:32 Yes. Sometimes we have, uh, 41:35 considerations. Yeah. 41:37 Like if we talk about this issue, our 41:42 children are busy, or the house is 41:46 leaking, or this and that, let's just 41:51 uh, handle it ourselves so we don't 41:53 bother anyone. Yeah. uh there's no need 41:59 , for example, if there's a problem, 42:02 and our parents are elderly, so we 42:05 don't add more burden or stress to them 42:08 . we finally, uh, dis-discussed that we 42:17 should just talk about things that 42:20 won't become a problem for elderly 42:24 parents. But there is this 42:27 heart-to-heart talk. There are things 42:30 we need to discuss heart-to-heart. Like 42:32 the problems mentioned earlier, 42:34 for example, parents feel reluctant to 42:36 ask for help from their children, right 42:38 ? 42:39 We have to talk heart-to-heart. Mom, 42:41 please, 42:43 you are so important to me. 42:46 Yeah. 42:47 If there's anything, please talk. I 42:51 actually feel sad if you don't talk 42:54 about any difficulties you're feeling, 42:57 Mom. That's a heart-to-heart talk. 43:00 Yes. 43:00 Yeah. So 43:02 use a prologue first at the beginning, 43:04 don't just blurt it out directly. 43:06 Yes, true, true, true, true, 43:07 heart-to-heart. 43:08 Sometimes there are people who like to 43:10 speak abruptly, right? How to get them 43:13 to use a prologue like that, 43:16 this is it, right? 43:19 Yes. That's why we must understand 43:22 people. 43:23 Yeah. 43:25 Understand who the person is, what 43:27 they're like, how to start it, 43:30 use a comfortable atmosphere. 43:33 Yeah. 43:35 Let's try to learn that. Understanding 43:37 others. So, uh, I once had a friend and 43:42 I tried to shift because sometimes time 43:46 goes by so fast, like with work, this 43:50 and that. 43:53 I tried to chat with them, listen to 43:56 them. It turned out to be interesting. 43:58 Yes. 43:59 Yeah. It turns out it's interesting to 44:01 understand them, it's really 44:02 interesting. Uh, in some previous 44:06 situations, for example, I had a job 44:09 that, oh, it had to be fast, just quick 44:11 , bang-bang like that. So, after this 44:14 do this, after this do this. 44:17 Then, when I tried to shift, wait, let 44:19 me try to understand them as a human 44:21 being. Yeah. 44:23 It’s actually beautiful, you know. Uh 44:27 . With all their strengths and 44:31 weaknesses, it’s much more 44:33 comfortable when we understand someone 44:35 like that. 44:39 Just try it. Yeah. 44:42 Try practicing it. 44:43 Practice it. Try to understand your 44:45 child, for example, by listening. Yeah. 44:48 Sometimes, the parent's instinct is 44:49 just 44:50 to give advice, right? 44:51 Yeah. Straight away giving advice. The 44:55 child also needs to be heard. 44:58 We should act as if we are their friend 45:00 , maybe? It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. 45:04 Okay. Are there more, or should we 45:05 continue first? 45:07 Uh, there is another one, ma'am, that 45:08 came in. This is from Mr. Ahmad Fauzi 45:10 in Cibubur, Bekasi. Peace be upon you, 45:12 and Allah's mercy and blessings. 45:13 And peace be upon you too. 45:14 Ms. Mona. Why is it sometimes easier 45:17 for us to talk to people who are far 45:19 away than to those closest to us, 45:22 like a spouse or a child? Is it because 45:25 there is an unresolved wound in the 45:27 heart or what? 45:29 That wound must be addressed. That is 45:33 why heart-to-heart communication must 45:35 start from whom? From me. Not from them 45:39 . They should be like this and like 45:41 that toward me. But I am the one who 45:43 must 45:44 open up, start it, and understand their 45:48 point of view. Listen, why? Oh, so 45:56 that's their perspective, I see. Try 46:00 listening. Yeah. I feel uh we rarely we 46:11 have what is it? a distance in uh our 46:20 feelings, we have a distance, like with 46:23 a wife, for instance. Not like before 46:27 when we were first dating. Uh, I want 46:32 us to be able to share anything more 46:39 openly and uh not have anything that 46:48 makes it uncomfortable between us. I'm 46:51 sorry if all this time I've made you 46:56 feel uncomfortable. How about we set 47:02 aside time to open our hearts to each 47:05 other? What is lacking in me, 47:09 what uh, I need to improve, and also 47:15 what I feel about you. So, we open up 47:20 to each other. 47:21 Yes. 47:24 I feel uncomfortable when you, in the 47:26 morning, uh, ask for, uh, I have 47:37 already prepared uh, food, 47:43 uh, but you didn't tell me since the 47:45 night before, for example. Yeah. 47:50 So it becomes chaotic. If in the 47:53 morning I want to eat this, this, this. 47:56 Yeah. 47:56 It's sudden, right? It's hard. 47:59 That is disruptive, isn't it? That's a 48:01 situation that, oh, yeah. 48:04 It makes sense, right? Yes. Yes. 48:08 Oh, I see. I, I understand. Okay, in 48:12 that case, every night, uh, I will let 48:19 you know, or let's remind each other. 48:23 What is needed for tomorrow, 48:26 or whether there's something or nothing 48:28 going on. Let's discuss it so it 48:30 doesn't become a bother in the morning. 48:33 Yeah. 48:35 Or for example, paying bills. I'm 48:38 uncomfortable if, uh, paying, uh, this 48:45 buying gas, uh, it’s already low, you 48:50 know. Already. 48:51 Yeah. About to be completely empty. 48:53 It’s almost empty like that. 48:54 Only then is it filled. 48:55 I’m uncomfortable, 48:57 that’s why I get angry. Now, 48:59 that, right, 49:01 there is an issue, there is. So it 49:03 could be a technical problem or an 49:05 emotional one. I don't feel like you 49:08 listen to me, so, you know, it can come 49:10 out in many ways. 49:13 It really isn't easy to have a 49:14 heart-to-heart, especially with your 49:16 own family because we have 49:19 the closer we are, the harder it is to 49:21 talk, right? 49:23 It’s a paradox. 49:25 With strangers, we can be very polite, 49:28 we can be very comfortable talking. 49:33 But with a partner, with kids, with 49:35 parents, we easily interrupt, we easily 49:38 get angry, we easily assume, 49:43 we easily say, "You're just like that," 49:45 you know? So, 49:47 with these words that keep getting held 49:50 back 49:52 and we keep remembering that it isn't 49:54 finished, the anger from yesterday 49:56 isn't resolved, you know? So it keeps 49:59 piling up, which is why it has to be 50:01 unpacked. Now, unpacking it means 50:03 having a heart-to-heart talk. 50:05 Yeah. To understand the human, to 50:08 understand that person, that important 50:11 person. Conflict exists in every 50:14 important relationship. Because we have 50:16 an important relationship with that 50:17 person. Because we are humans who have 50:21 our own unique differences. Men and 50:26 women, even their faces are different, 50:28 their types differ, characters differ, 50:31 uh, desires differ, expectations differ 50:33 . Of course, it’s different. Conflict 50:37 does, uh, not exist in unimportant 50:40 relationships. Just let it be, I don't 50:43 care. Right? 50:45 Always like that. 50:47 Because that person isn't important to 50:49 us. But if it's someone important, 50:51 there’s bound to be conflict, right? 50:53 Definitely conflict, for sure. 50:54 Because they are important, right? 50:55 Because they are important to us. 50:57 Because we want you to be like me, 50:59 that’s mostly it, right? 51:02 Like that. 51:03 True. Uh, why are the people we love 51:07 often the ones we hurt the most with 51:10 our words? So we often listen to reply, 51:15 not to understand. That also, this is 51:21 not simple. When a child speaks, 51:24 parents immediately give advice. Uh, 51:28 a husband complains, the wife 51:30 immediately gives a solution. "It 51:31 should be like this, like this, like 51:32 this." Parents share a story, the child 51:35 immediately contradicts them, you know? 51:37 Uh, so it becomes transactional 51:41 instead of understanding. So, listening 51:44 to people is a form of affection, you 51:47 know. And this is what we need to 51:51 develop. The language of love is 51:54 listening, right? H 51:56 uh, the people we love don't 52:00 necessarily feel loved. Husbands show 52:05 love. So like this, uh, a husband shows 52:12 love by working hard, you know? He 52:15 doesn't use words, but uses behavior, 52:17 for example, right? A husband needs 52:21 attention and needs to have 52:23 conversation, right? Children need the 52:27 presence of their parents, you know. 52:30 Parents need appreciation too. So, if 52:33 possible, give that to them. And who 52:36 should be the one to give it? We are 52:39 the ones who must start. Because 52:41 You cannot change someone else's 52:43 behavior. You can only change your 52:45 reaction to that behavior. So, the one 52:47 who changes is me, you see. I start, 52:49 rather than demanding it from others. 52:52 Because if I demand it, the person I'm 52:54 demanding from may not want to give it. 52:58 So it starts within ourselves, then. 52:59 Yes. 53:00 It starts with me, period. Because 53:04 saying "you should be like this" or " 53:06 you should be like that" won't work; I 53:07 should be the one to initiate a 53:09 heart-to-heart talk so they feel 53:10 comfortable doing the same. 53:12 And they eventually follow, they do 53:14 follow. 53:15 Yes. So, in the end, they behave the 53:17 way we want. Yeah. 53:19 But we have to be the ones to start 53:20 first. So the problem isn't a lack of 53:24 love, but love communicated in 53:27 different languages. Sometimes, those 53:31 expressions are just different. 53:35 When to speak, and when to be silent? 53:40 Silence can be wisdom, but silence can 53:43 also be a punishment. I am silent 53:47 because I need time to calm down. This 53:52 is different from being silent so that 53:54 you feel guilty. So it's not just about 54:00 talking or not talking, but how and why 54:03 we remain silent. I am silent to help 54:07 you stay calm. Just convey that, you 54:10 know. "Sorry if there was a 54:15 misunderstanding." It means we have to 54:18 talk, we should say let's talk. Does 54:21 anyone want to share? 54:23 Yes. 54:23 Is there 54:23 anyone who wants to share their heart 54:25 like Buana? May I read it? It looks 54:27 quite long, too. 54:27 Sure. 54:29 It doesn't state a name, just "a 54:30 servant of Allah." Peace be upon you, 54:32 and Allah's mercy and blessings. Buana. 54:33 And peace be upon you too. Some time 54:36 ago, I sent a WhatsApp message to a 54:39 woman I was already acquainted with. 54:42 Right. 54:43 My most intense face-to-face 54:45 interactions with her were about three 54:48 times, and the last meeting was the 54:50 most memorable, after which I kept 54:52 imagining her, always thinking of her. 54:56 Yeah. 54:56 The question is, when we think of 54:58 someone, does that person also think of 55:01 us? Right. 55:02 And second, the content of my WhatsApp 55:05 message to her was an expression of my 55:07 deep longing for her. I wrote it in the 55:10 form of a poem, as if I were 55:12 complaining to Allah. Well, the writing 55:15 is long. The question is, how do you 55:17 think she felt after reading that 55:19 message? Was it too much, or what? 55:21 That's how it is. As a result of that 55:23 message, my number was blocked, 55:25 although not immediately. Then, a few 55:28 days ago, we accidentally met twice, 55:30 and as we passed each other, she looked 55:33 like she was turning away and was angry 55:35 with me. Because of that, I miss her 55:39 even more now. Could you please share 55:41 your thoughts on this? Bu. 55:42 Yes. 55:43 Was it wrong to send the message, or 55:44 what happened? 55:45 Right. 55:47 Well. People are not mind readers, you 55:51 see. So we have to talk about it. 55:54 Well, um for someone to, you know, like 56:00 someone else, there are, well, there 56:03 are considerations. In my opinion, um 56:13 women tend to be rational 56:17 when looking for a partner. Men tend to 56:21 be emotional. Um even though it's often 56:26 said that women are emotional, in my 56:29 opinion, women are rational when 56:31 choosing a partner. They think, is this 56:36 guy, um, okay for me, am I comfortable, 56:39 can he make me feel protected, can he 56:43 make me feel 56:45 um, safe for my future, and so on. Now, 56:51 men, um, when they think, they can be 56:55 truly rational. It's true they can 56:58 think rationally, but, um, when they 57:01 love someone, they are more emotional. 57:04 So, um, 57:07 when, when the, um, woman 57:15 also likes them back, I quite believe 57:16 there is an energy, you know. Yeah. 57:18 So it could be telepathy, it feels like 57:20 , when, uh-huh. connected when there is 57:24 affection, both are connected. But when 57:27 the, um, person doesn't have the same 57:32 feelings, it might not be that 57:34 connected. Right? Um, well, the 57:39 expression conveyed through the poem 57:44 could be understood, you know, as a 57:47 form of affection. But whether that 57:52 woman likes it or not might be 57:55 expressed by her reaction. She seems, 57:59 um, to block from the start, then 58:03 not accept, um, what avoids, you know, 58:08 when crossing paths. 58:09 Now, 58:10 it means the key is now in the hands of 58:15 , um, this, um, servant of God. Will he 58:20 continue or not, right? Yes, of course, 58:23 keep praying to God to get the best 58:26 soulmate. But if, for example, you 58:29 really want to approach her, just try 58:31 again with a different approach. 58:34 Because people aren't mind readers. 58:36 Maybe the poem could be interpreted as 58:40 yes or no, but people also look at the 58:43 effort. Does he show, um, sincere 58:48 effort that he is 58:51 um, for example, a man, you know, 58:53 a man, I think, right? 58:54 A man. 58:55 A man, yes. For example, this man shows 58:58 sincere effort, he can demonstrate, um, 59:01 what do you call it? Um, approaches 59:05 that show I'm serious, I'm like this, 59:08 I'm like that. Like that. Because 59:13 sometimes guys who don't speak up, I 59:15 have a story of a friend who liked 59:16 someone, they seemed to like each other 59:18 , but the guy didn't speak up. Yeah. 59:23 What happened was she eventually chose 59:26 someone else because that other person 59:28 spoke up. 59:31 So, um, because he didn't speak, didn't 59:34 , didn't say it clearly. 59:38 Um, he thought a certain closeness or 59:41 certain efforts were a language of love 59:44 . 59:45 Even though they didn't understand. 59:46 Even though it wasn't necessarily 59:48 interpreted verbally. Clearly, um, this 59:50 is the meaning of this statement 59:52 because women also need certainty, 59:54 right, they need 59:57 need confirmation, especially if, for 59:59 example, they want to reach the stage 1:00:01 of marriage, right? 1:00:03 it's heading in that direction, so you 1:00:05 need certainty that is 1:00:07 specific, not just 1:00:10 giving signs 1:00:11 just signs, just playing games 1:00:14 then what are you doing, right, I mean, 1:00:18 my friend said that, and then when he 1:00:21 finally made a choice, the guy 1:00:23 regretted it so much 1:00:27 in advance, right 1:00:29 I thought you liked her too yesterday, 1:00:32 yeah because if you don't say it 1:00:35 sometimes you really need clarity, 1:00:36 right 1:00:37 you need clarity, women need clarity 1:00:41 well, if it turns out the woman needs 1:00:44 that clarity, try to show it with your 1:00:47 personal quality. Right? Show your 1:00:51 personal quality. Showing that your 1:00:54 quality makes the woman feel convinced 1:00:57 and safe. Because this is about a life 1:01:01 partner, right. This is not a game, 1:01:05 this is the future. So it has to be 1:01:08 clear, right. After it is conveyed 1:01:11 clearly. If it turns out she doesn't 1:01:14 feel it, well 1:01:17 just move on and find someone who is 1:01:21 more comforting and real, right. 1:01:25 Be ready to accept reality, right. 1:01:27 Yeah. There is someone. God willing, 1:01:29 there is a soulmate. 1:01:30 God willing. And sorry, maybe nowadays, 1:01:34 women are rarely flattered by poems. 1:01:38 Rarely. 1:01:39 Different times, maybe. 1:01:41 Yeah. Okay, poems, but what does that 1:01:44 mean? 1:01:45 Just poems, what is the point? 1:01:48 Right? 1:01:49 Okay. You are like a flower that is 1:01:52 this and that, blah blah blah. 1:01:54 So what? Right? And if the girl isn't 1:01:58 interested either. I mean, in my 1:02:02 opinion, if the goal is to make her 1:02:04 your partner, please show it with your 1:02:07 personal quality. 1:02:09 True. that is convincing to be a 1:02:13 partner, a life partner, right 1:02:18 with a track record and so on. That is 1:02:24 what women need. 1:02:27 But if we aren't clear and our talk is 1:02:31 biased, right. 1:02:34 Yeah. poems and so on. Okay. But what 1:02:39 does this mean? Like that. 1:02:42 In my opinion, it's better to build a 1:02:46 relationship by getting to know who I 1:02:50 am and who she is. 1:02:54 Then after that 1:02:57 the position is that we have to know 1:03:01 each other. Yes. 1:03:03 We have discussed before 1:03:06 how to enter a marriage. Communication 1:03:10 before entering a marriage, we 1:03:11 discussed that before 1:03:13 that we need to know each other first, 1:03:15 need to know our visions and missions, 1:03:17 our backgrounds 1:03:20 and so on. After we both feel convinced 1:03:23 , right? 1:03:24 Yes. 1:03:24 Both sides feel convinced, then go 1:03:27 ahead. Right? Don't just have one side, 1:03:32 because if the man feels convinced by 1:03:37 the woman, but the woman is not 1:03:41 convinced 1:03:43 it won't work. 1:03:43 It won't work. 1:03:44 Yeah. 1:03:46 But when the guy is interested in the 1:03:48 girl and he feels, "Okay, I think I'm 1:03:50 ready for that." He pursues her, 1:03:53 pursues and convinces the woman, you 1:03:55 know. Yeah. Especially if it's for, uh, 1:03:57 something serious, right? Getting to 1:03:59 know the family, too. Serious. Exactly. 1:04:01 Getting to know the family. Yeah. 1:04:03 Getting to know each other's 1:04:04 personalities. 1:04:07 In fact, uh, I have a friend who 1:04:10 suggested using psychological tests 1:04:16 to know, uh, what their personality is 1:04:19 like, right? Yeah. 1:04:22 That's why I can now say that taaruf is 1:04:26 cool. 1:04:27 Yeah. Cool. Taaruf. 1:04:29 Taaruf is cool. Why? Because in taaruf, 1:04:33 there's the rational side, and there's 1:04:35 the emotional side. 1:04:37 Yeah. 1:04:38 Uh, we need the emotional side, right, 1:04:41 feelings are necessary, but the 1:04:44 rational side is also needed. Yeah. 1:04:48 Then, uh...Parents' opinions and 1:04:52 family's opinions, as well as one's own 1:04:55 , are both necessary, right? 1:04:59 The family tends to look at data that 1:05:02 is more real, right, 1:05:05 more rational. 1:05:06 Rational. Right. 1:05:08 Yeah. Uh, those potential partners will 1:05:10 rely more on emotions. So, we need 1:05:13 those two layers to make it strong, to 1:05:18 make it, uh, solid. 1:05:22 Rational and emotional, or is it 1:05:24 necessary? It's necessary. 1:05:24 Necessary, both are necessary. Yeah. 1:05:26 Don't let one be lopsided, don't. 1:05:28 Right. Right, 1:05:30 too. Maybe if you want to pursue 1:05:31 someone, you have to sharpen your 1:05:33 sensitivity, perhaps. 1:05:34 Wondering if this person wants it or 1:05:36 not, because we also like to be 1:05:38 overconfident. 1:05:39 Right. Yeah. Yeah. You also have to be 1:05:41 sensitive, that sense of sensitivity. 1:05:44 We can try, but if, for example, they 1:05:46 don't accept it, don't go straight to 1:05:49 the point. We show them first 1:05:53 what we are like. 1:05:54 Yeah. 1:05:56 Uh, they make that decision after they 1:05:59 know who we are, right? Don't, 1:06:03 from the beginning, say "I like you." 1:06:05 They don't know who we are yet. 1:06:07 What a pity. While we feel " 1:06:10 I think I could be with you," right? 1:06:13 Yeah. 1:06:14 Convince her, convince her through 1:06:17 moments that allow you to get to know 1:06:21 each other. 1:06:22 Yeah. 1:06:24 Join organizations together, take part 1:06:27 in activities that allow for 1:06:28 interaction, to get to know the quality 1:06:31 of the person, right? Right. Right. 1:06:35 Yeah. 1:06:35 It needs a process first, right? 1:06:36 Right. Right. And sometimes marriages 1:06:40 —though not all—begin with being 1:06:41 close friends, for example. Close 1:06:44 friends usually know each other better. 1:06:46 Yeah. Yeah. 1:06:47 So, 1:06:48 an old friend of yours, then it happens 1:06:49 . 1:06:49 Yeah. So, having a partner who you can 1:06:53 say is your best friend is really cool. 1:06:57 Hmm. 1:06:58 Best friend—it's like, acquaintance, 1:07:01 friend, best friend, those are the 1:07:03 levels. 1:07:04 Acquaintance, we just know them. Uh. 1:07:06 Friends, yeah. We feel like friends, 1:07:08 right? You are a friend, a best friend 1:07:10 is someone you can 1:07:11 talk heart-to-heart with. 1:07:14 Yeah. 1:07:15 The closest one. Bestie, in other words 1:07:16 , 1:07:16 bestie. Yeah. If we, uh, if we use the 1:07:21 context of my role as wife, you as 1:07:24 husband, for example, right? 1:07:27 Yeah. 1:07:28 It means the wife's role is bla bla bla 1:07:30 , the husband's role is bla bla bla, 1:07:32 that's not comfortable. Yes. What if 1:07:34 it's true I am the wife and you are the 1:07:37 husband, but we can talk heart-to-heart 1:07:40 about those problems, talking 1:07:43 heart-to-heart is not simple. We have 1:07:46 to make an effort. 1:07:48 Correct. 1:07:48 Yeah. 1:07:49 Mashallah. 1:07:50 Anything else? This, 1:07:51 perhaps we can add it before we run out 1:07:53 of time. 1:07:54 All right. Uh, brothers and sisters who 1:07:59 are blessed by Allah. So, 1:08:03 heart-to-heart happens when someone 1:08:07 feels I can be myself in front of you. 1:08:15 I can be myself in front of you. I 1:08:19 feel free to express anything. Because 1:08:24 of that, there are four things that 1:08:25 must be built. There is a sense of 1:08:28 safety. Being heard, being understood, 1:08:34 only then conveying what the problem is 1:08:37 , what the solution is. So, safe, heard 1:08:47 , understood, then conveyed. 1:08:51 Understood. 1:08:52 Not having a problem, then giving 1:08:55 advice, then correcting. Then what is 1:08:59 the solution? This immediately sets a 1:09:03 firm boundary, right? Because people 1:09:06 need to be understood, heard, paid 1:09:09 attention to, considered important, and 1:09:11 loved. And maybe this is the most 1:09:13 difficult thing. Sometimes our closest 1:09:16 ones don't need an answer. 1:09:20 Yeah. 1:09:21 They only need someone who is willing 1:09:24 to stay for a moment in their feelings. 1:09:30 If connected to communication, this is 1:09:32 the essence of communication where we 1:09:35 dialogue with each other. So it's not 1:09:39 just talking to people, but meeting 1:09:43 others, encountering others, 1:09:46 understanding that they are human. So, 1:09:52 I hope that's useful, brothers and 1:09:55 sisters, and thank you. I apologize if 1:09:58 anything was displeasing. 1:10:00 All right, thank you, Ma'am, for the 1:10:01 enlightenment and the knowledge this 1:10:02 afternoon. 1:10:03 Alhamdulillah. 1:10:04 And that, brothers and sisters, 1:10:06 concludes our discussion on 1:10:07 communication with Dr. Laila Monaganim, 1:10:10 themed on the difficulty of speaking 1:10:12 heart-to-heart. Hopefully, what has 1:10:15 been shared is very beneficial for 1:10:17 everyone, and we will try to talk 1:10:19 heart-to-heart, okay? It's, what do you 1:10:22 call it, something we must strive for. 1:10:23 Don't make demands on our partner. We 1:10:25 ourselves must make the effort. God 1:10:26 willing, everything will be fine. All 1:10:29 right, I am Fahri, accompanied by Ondi 1:10:31 and Fajar Unur, signing off. 1:10:33 Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika, asyhadu 1:10:34 alla ilaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa 1:10:36 atubu ilaik. Wasalamualaikum 1:10:37 warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 
