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0:08 Brail TV. 0:15 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious 0:16 , the Most Merciful. Peace be upon you, 0:19 and Allah's mercy and blessings, 0:20 brothers and sisters, may Allah have 0:21 mercy on you. Praise be to Allah, we 0:25 are on the 12th day of Ramadan, and for 0:27 12 days we have restrained ourselves 0:30 not only from hunger and thirst but 0:32 also from emotions that could diminish 0:34 the value of our fasting. And today we 0:39 are reunited with Dr. Hamid Patim for a 0:43 child protection program, which we hope 0:46 will help us better position ourselves 0:50 in our roles as mothers and fathers, or 0:54 whatever our roles may be for our 0:57 children, including the children of 1:01 this nation. And let us not forget to 1:04 send blessings upon our leader and 1:06 beloved, Muhammad, the Messenger of 1:07 Allah, may the peace and blessings of 1:09 Allah be upon him. May we receive his 1:13 intercession and be reunited with him 1:16 at the time we long for in the 1:17 hereafter. Brothers and sisters, when 1:22 it comes to the needs and interests 1:24 regarding children, the expert is 1:27 already here with us, Dr. Hamid Patim. 1:30 Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy 1:31 and blessings. Peace be upon you, and 1:33 Allah's mercy and blessings. How are 1:36 you, Bunda? 1:36 Praise be to Allah, I am very happy to 1:39 be here for this program. What is clear 1:42 is that safe communication with 1:43 children seems increasingly difficult 1:45 these days. Precisely our discussion 1:50 discusses positive parenting, 1:52 discipline without violence, and safe 1:55 communication. 1:57 Masyaallah. So, brothers and sisters, 2:00 is discipline without violence actually 2:03 easy? But that is why let us listen 2:06 with all our hearts, with all our 2:08 feelings, and with the ears of our 2:09 souls. Please go ahead, Bung Hamid. 2:12 Alright, thank you, Bunda. In the name 2:14 of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most 2:16 Merciful. Peace be upon you, and 2:17 Allah's mercy and blessings. Listeners 2:21 of Radio Rasil wherever you are. Praise 2:25 be to Allah, we are still given the 2:27 opportunity by Allah to share 2:29 information. This time regarding 2:33 positive parenting, discipline without 2:38 violence, and safe communication. This 2:42 topic is interesting for us to pay 2:46 attention to. Especially in these 2:49 months of March, on the 8th, there was 2:53 International Women's Day. 2:56 Yes. 2:56 We must commemorate it, and this is one 3:01 of the things that we need to bring up. 3:07 Mothers and fathers, as we know, 3:11 Indonesia has ratified the Convention 3:15 on the Rights of the Child through 3:19 Presidential Decree Number 36 of 1990 3:25 which was then translated through 3:31 various laws and regulations in 3:35 Indonesia, the most important of which 3:39 is in the 1945 Constitution, Article 3:46 28B, paragraph 2. Every child has the 3:52 right to live, grow, and be protected 3:55 from violence and discrimination. Then 4:00 we can also see it in the Child 4:02 Protection Law and the Welfare Law. And 4:07 no less important is the newest law, 4:10 which is related to Law Number 4 of 4:13 2024 concerning the welfare of mothers 4:17 and children in the first 1,000 days of 4:21 a child's life. We return to the 4:25 Convention on the Rights of the Child. 4:28 In the Convention on the Rights of the 4:33 Child, what every parent needs to know 4:37 is that in Article 28, paragraph 2, a 4:42 child has the right to receive 4:46 discipline without violence. Then, no 4:52 less important is that parenting is the 4:58 main priority, as regulated in Article 5:03 5, and this Article 5 is linked to 5:07 Article 18 regarding responsibility. 5:13 For example, if parents are no longer 5:17 able to To educate or increase 5:23 knowledge, the state has provided 5:27 family learning centers. The question 5:31 remains for you, fathers and mothers. 5:35 Have we ever accessed the family 5:39 learning centers built by the regent or 5:43 mayor for every parent? Or have you, 5:50 fathers and mothers, ever accessed them 5:52 ? No. LK3S exists in every regency 5:58 capital, or when we are preparing for 6:04 marriage, there is a hall at the Office 6:10 of Religious Affairs (KUA). Those are 6:16 actually the places for us to improve 6:20 our knowledge. Especially in this 6:24 discussion, regarding what positive 6:28 parenting is like. This is largely 6:33 determined by whether we are truly firm 6:37 or appear harsh. So, how is that, 6:41 Mother Nuning? Here, this time we are 6:45 trying to share information and 6:50 skills. But the most important thing is 6:53 attitude. Regarding this attitude, I 6:57 want to reiterate that we must always 7:02 be non-discriminatory toward our 7:07 children, without distinguishing 7:11 between them or even letting such 7:15 thoughts cross our minds, let alone 7:21 letting them escape our lips. Sometimes 7:26 , discrimination is expressed through 7:29 our body language toward our children, 7:32 which makes them feel uncomfortable; 7:35 that is already experiencing 7:37 discrimination. Now, that is an 7:40 important point that we must ensure. 7:43 Then we must always ensure the best 7:48 interests for the child 7:52 in choosing words or performing actions 7:57 , in gazing, in what? Touching the 8:03 child, we must ensure whether my touch, 8:07 or my eye contact, or my words make the 8:12 child feel comfortable or not. We must 8:18 always ask that, because they are the 8:20 ones who will feel it later. If they 8:23 feel safe and comfortable from the 8:27 start, and just as importantly, if they 8:31 feel valued, it will automatically 8:35 become a habit for each of our children 8:39 . And that is when the efforts we put 8:43 into our children start to be felt. 8:46 When our children start communicating, 8:50 building friendships, or playing with 8:53 their friends, it will show, "Wow, your 8:57 child is amazing; when they meet my 9:01 child, they make my child feel so 9:04 comfortable, and they really love 9:07 playing with your child." Now, that is 9:12 one of the outcomes of the efforts you, 9:17 fathers and mothers, are making. But 9:23 just as importantly, we must always 9:27 ensure that what our children eat and 9:31 drink is guaranteed to be halal, and 9:35 even when a child is hungry, we must 9:39 think about whether it comes from a 9:42 clear source of funds. Because all of 9:48 that will be processed by our child's 9:51 body and distributed as blood that 9:54 eventually moves the body. If 9:58 everything is in a halal and good 10:01 condition, God willing, it will be 10:03 visible in our children's behavior. But 10:07 no less important is that every second, 10:11 every minute, every hour, the child is 10:15 always taking positive lessons from 10:18 their environment. Especially from whom 10:24 else if not from their models, from 10:28 father, from mother, and other models. 10:32 Perhaps from grandfather, from 10:34 grandmother, or from an uncle. If they 10:38 always take the positive things, God 10:40 willing, that will become very 10:42 important. But what also needs to be 10:47 emphasized to our children is, "Child, 10:50 not everything from mother needs to be 10:54 taken, counted, or expressed." If there 10:59 are things that you think are 11:02 inappropriate or unworthy, even if they 11:06 come from our mouths. That is the 11:10 parenting we must. But what is no less 11:13 important is this final point, Bunda 11:15 Nuning, yes. 11:16 Yeah. 11:17 We must always ask our children. What 11:24 do you think about this? In your 11:27 opinion, what is this like? So that is 11:31 all, fathers and mothers. If we 11:35 encounter our children like that, God 11:38 willing, what was worried about by Mr. 11:41 Ihsan earlier during the morning 11:44 discussion, why is it now 11:47 children at home or at school seem like 11:53 parents no longer have, uh, what is it, 11:58 respect from the children. Basically, 12:03 the children always want to be heard. 12:06 Actually, what we should note is where 12:10 we must start. Now, through this 12:15 meeting, what we actually get from or 12:20 find in our children, when we are no 12:25 longer, uh, empowered, the issue is 12:30 actually with the parents today; 12:34 firmness must remain, but without 12:39 violence. Ah, how do we do that? Ah, 12:42 first, what we must emphasize in 12:47 positive parenting is, first, all the 12:53 rules we set at home must be made with 12:59 the child. So, we discuss what the 13:03 child thinks, what the mother thinks, 13:06 what does everyone think? Basically, 13:10 everyone at home, we invite to discuss. 13:14 But the final decision lies with the 13:18 father. That is the decision. 13:21 Yeah. 13:22 Aha. The challenge this time is that 13:26 after the decision is made, it really 13:31 must be clear. What is meant by clear? 13:38 First, the rules must be brief, and 13:41 then they must not change constantly. 13:44 So if it has been decided by the father 13:48 , rule A is A. Then the second is that 13:53 it must be calm. How about calmness? 13:59 Now, here, before we discuss this 14:01 calmness, 14:03 if there is a rule, Bunda Nuning, the 14:07 rule must be enforced. Enforcing rules 14:12 —this needs to be emphasized, fathers 14:15 and mothers as great caregivers. 14:20 Enforcing rules is 99.9%socialization. 14:31 So, socialization; a child's task is 14:35 only one, which is to forget, right? 14:40 Forgetting, essentially, the child is 14:43 just like you, ladies and gentlemen, 14:46 today still being children of your own 14:49 parents, or those of you who are now 14:52 grandparents to your grandchildren or 14:55 our children. We still, when we meet 15:00 our father and mother, forget, sir. We 15:03 forget, ma'am. That is indeed a child's 15:07 natural task. A child's task. Then what 15:10 is the parent's task? The parent's task 15:14 is socialization, reminding. There is a 15:21 surah that God immortalized for the 15:24 Messenger, which is Surah Al-Asr. Hehe. 15:30 By time, all people are in loss except 15:34 those who believe and remind one 15:38 another of truth and patience. Oh, 15:43 patience is key. If in Western 15:49 countries, that surah is translated 15:54 into a program called behavior change 15:59 communication. Changing behavior 16:04 through communication. Then there is 16:10 the Messenger's scheme for introducing 16:13 prayer to children. Look, the emphasis, 16:19 if we calculate it, is reminding 16:24 children from the age of 7 to 10 before 16:30 they pray. Try counting it, fathers and 16:35 mothers, count how many times the Adhan 16:38 is called. That means, at minimum, if 16:43 we want to remind our children of a 16:47 rule or a good deed, it's at least five 16:51 times a day. For 3 years. Now, let's do 16:59 the math. Yeah. 17:01 5 times 3 is 15. One year has 17:05 360. 17:06 365 days. So the total is around 5,745 17:14 times. That is 99.9%of enforcement. It 17:23 is good news and a warning. Good news 17:27 and a warning. "Son, if you carry out 17:31 Father's orders or uphold Father's 17:34 rules, God willing, you will be 17:37 comfortable and at peace.""But if you 17:42 don't, you will be the one to feel the 17:44 consequences." Continuous socialization 17:49 to make it a habit. That habit will 17:54 later become a custom. So, customs are 17:58 essentially habitual actions. He is 18:01 already used to waking up early, 18:03 brushing his teeth, cleaning his bed, 18:07 praying, performing obligatory and 18:10 voluntary prayers—he does all of that 18:13 . That must come through habituation. 18:17 How many times was that habituation 18:20 reminded? Five times a day? That is 18:27 behavior change communication, those 18:29 are the rules. Then what is the 0.1%for 18:35 ? If the child breaks the rules, we 18:38 must be firm. Being firm means there is 18:46 a demand for accountability. We have 18:50 already socialized it five times a day 18:52 for 3 years. But if he pays no 18:56 attention to us, then something is 18:59 wrong. The "something" could be from us 19:03 . How we communicate, and how the child 19:08 receives and understands it, is 19:11 something we need to consider. Now, in 19:16 the process of punishment, we must have 19:19 knowledge. Mother Nuning, fathers and 19:22 mothers. 19:23 We act as police officers. So, we 19:27 conduct an investigation. An 19:30 investigation. Why is it that with this 19:34 rule, my child isn't immediately doing 19:37 or following it? Why does he seem a bit 19:42 resistant? Oh, what is going on here? 19:46 That is police science. Then, secondly, 19:51 we must prosecute. We prosecute: "What 19:55 is going on, why aren't you doing what 19:58 we agreed upon with Father and Mother?" 20:01 for example. That means we use the 20:04 science of a prosecutor. Watch the 20:06 television often if there is a trial. 20:10 We take the skills of a prosecutor in 20:13 drafting an indictment. And then, that 20:18 indictment must be proven, right? Well, 20:23 the proof must come from facts or from 20:28 experts. Ah, we can ask around. So, 20:33 fathers and mothers, if we make it a 20:35 habit, God willing, we will get used to 20:38 it. Then we have the third ability, 20:44 which is to punish. Ah, punishing means 20:48 having the knowledge of a judge. Judges 20:51 all over the world make decisions in 20:55 the name of God Almighty. This means, 21:00 fathers and mothers, when we decide on 21:05 our child's mistake, we must do it in 21:11 the name of God. That is where the 21:16 child's best interest lies. Listening 21:18 to their voice becomes important. That 21:20 is the first, yes, the rules must be 21:24 clear. Then the second, we must always 21:28 be calm. How is that calmness needed, 21:33 especially from a mother? Wow, how is 21:38 that? A mother is indeed an individual 21:44 full of challenges. The child is fussy, 21:50 how can one be calm? The child is also 21:52 throwing things, how can one be calm? 21:57 Like it or not, childhood reflexes will 22:03 express violence if they once 22:07 experienced it. Ah, so how do we handle 22:13 that? Well, at least we start by 22:16 adjusting our tone of voice. Children 22:22 are very happy when their parents use a 22:25 child-friendly frequency when... 22:30 expressing or responding to what our 22:35 children do. So if our child's voice 22:39 gets a bit loud, we should calm our own 22:42 voices down. Alright then, what is this 22:46 ? Ah, that is choosing, isn't it. And 22:49 this, mothers and fathers, it cannot be 22:53 done instantly; it must go through a 22:57 process... 23:00 of growth and development, 23:02 so that 23:04 this becomes a package that we really 23:07 need to pay attention to. So stay calm. 23:14 Then the third, when enforcing a rule, 23:18 it must be consistent. So it cannot be, 23:24 like, morning...you say one thing, 23:29 evening another; you must be consistent 23:32 . 23:35 Why is this consistency so important? 23:40 Because this is a theory discovered by 23:45 Kevin Lins in developing child-friendly 23:49 districts, Mother Nuning. 23:52 It is that... 23:53 children love learning from the way 23:59 adults act. Ah, if adults do everything 24:04 consistently, enforcing rules 24:07 consistently, God willing, the child 24:11 will be very happy. And they will try 24:16 that when they start playing with their 24:22 friends. What we invest in our children 24:28 through our actions at home, for 24:32 example, there is trash, we...put it in 24:40 the trash bin, or we ask our child to 24:43 close the window, and they do, that is 24:47 indeed their duty. If they don't do it, 24:52 we remind them, and keep reminding them 24:55 until they become aware of it. Mothers 25:00 and fathers, we believe you are even 25:03 greater than what we are sharing here. 25:07 We are just sharing things that people 25:10 might think, "Why is such a small thing 25:13 a topic on Rasil Radio?" Yes, heh. 25:17 Indeed, even saying "ah" is not allowed 25:20 , let alone other things, right? This 25:23 is consistency. If we are consistent, 25:27 God willing, our children will become 25:30 consistent individuals. So, if we look 25:35 into it now, why are so many people 25:38 inconsistent? Well, that can be traced 25:41 back to their homes. We can trace it 25:45 from whether home is consistent, then 25:46 at school. If it’s consistent at 25:50 school, then in the community. So 25:52 that’s where the child learns from. 25:59 The places where they live, and for 26:02 fathers and mothers, from 0 to 8 years 26:06 old, 80%of a child's intelligence is 26:14 formed at home. And the rest is 20%. 26:18 That 20%is at school or in the 26:25 environment where they play or interact 26:27 with their friends. For that reason, 26:32 Fathers and Mothers, being a parent 26:36 today is an opportunity to build a 26:41 great nation. It means the failure of a 26:47 nation is largely determined by the 26:50 presence of the father and mother. 26:54 Therefore, from the beginning, we must 26:56 be firm with our children without being 26:59 harsh. First, it must be clear and calm 27:04 . Then, what is important is 27:08 consistency. Firmness is having clear 27:13 boundaries. Harshness hurts. Ah, it 27:19 hurts. How does it hurt them? It's 27:22 simple. Two weeks ago, we discussed 27:25 that hurting a child can happen just by 27:29 saying "ah." Especially, for example, 27:34 Mother Nuning, if we hold our child’s 27:37 finger and we are a bit rough, or we 27:41 just slam a door, like the bedroom door 27:44 or the mother's door. And then 27:48 the child feels, "Why is Mother like 27:52 that?" We have already hurt them. How 27:56 do we avoid hurting them? So, who needs 28:00 to be trained? The child or the father 28:04 and mother? That’s a big question, 28:06 isn't it, Mother Nuning? So what do we 28:12 need to encourage further? There are 28:19 things that need to be built together 28:24 regarding this positive discipline or 28:28 non-violent discipline. I ask you again 28:36 , Fathers and Mothers, take your 28:40 gadgets and type "Child Convention" 28:44 into Google. Now, the Convention on the 28:49 Rights of the Child is international 28:51 law. In Article 28, paragraph 2, there 28:59 is the word "discipline." Ah, 29:03 discipline—how do we discipline a 29:07 child, starting with building rules? We 29:14 must try to understand that well. For 29:18 that reason, what must we avoid so that 29:28 we don't easily do things that make our 29:31 children feel unsafe or uncomfortable? 29:36 For that, try looking at Article 19. 29:41 Yes. 29:41 The Convention on the Rights of the 29:43 Child is there. Read it, understand it, 29:47 comprehend it, and discuss it in the 29:50 bedroom. This international law states 29:53 that children must not be treated like 29:56 this. What is our task here? That 29:59 becomes material for us to discuss. And 30:04 then, try this—it’s important so we 30:08 get used to communicating with children 30:13 safely, without any issues. Let’s 30:18 look at Article 17. Article 17 relates 30:23 to information. For that, we must start 30:30 to manage ourselves. Every time we 30:36 communicate with children, every word 30:41 and sentence must be filtered. 30:46 we filter, or we choose which words 30:50 make the child comfortable and which 30:54 words, though the same, have a tone 30:58 that makes the child uncomfortable. Wow 31:02 , that is also important, Bunda Nuning. 31:04 So, public speaking is important, right 31:06 ? So being a father, being a mother is 31:10 very important. For that, it is very 31:14 simple if we see a father speaking 31:17 gently to his child. We can just look 31:24 at the child's demeanor, a child who is 31:27 very pleasant to many people. But let's 31:31 look around us and test it. You fathers 31:35 and mothers at home surely have 31:36 neighbors with children, right? 31:38 Now, look, why is this child like this? 31:44 Ah, let's try to flashback to see what 31:46 the father is like, what the mother is 31:48 like, and what the people around them 31:51 are like. But there are anomalies, 31:54 right? Yeah. 31:57 The father and mother seem to speak in 31:59 a way that makes others uncomfortable. 32:02 But why is the child very pleasant to 32:05 everyone? That is a sign that the child 32:08 has received light from God. They learn 32:13 from what they see in their home. That 32:16 is also important. So everything we 32:20 must ensure, what needs to be 32:23 continuously built in this positive 32:28 parenting, there are 3 Ts. 3 Ts, Bunda 32:34 Nuning, that I must introduce today. 32:39 Before, it was clear: calm, consistent. 32:44 Now it is 3 Ts again. The first T is ' 32:50 related', related to the child, if we 32:53 want to correct them, it must always be 32:58 related. So it connects to changing 33:04 their behavior. Yeah. 33:06 For example, if their speech does not 33:13 make us comfortable, let's try to 33:16 change it, kid. You may speak, but make 33:22 sure the words make other people 33:24 comfortable. Or our child has started 33:30 behaving badly with their friends, we 33:35 must immediately correct them, "Kid, 33:42 you certainly wouldn't be comfortable 33:44 if you were treated harshly by your 33:47 friend." That makes them immediately go 33:52 "Oh, right," and they flashback to 33:56 themselves. But when should we make 34:00 that correction? Well, there must be 34:03 timing, we must find the time. Not at 34:06 the moment they are in the process, we 34:08 shouldn't rebuke them immediately, 34:10 children are human. They have 34:13 self-esteem. Self-esteem is also 34:16 important in its placement. Not 34:18 immediately when they do something that 34:21 makes us uncomfortable. Then we rebuke 34:25 them in front of others, we must find 34:27 the time. What is the formula, Bunda 34:30 Nuning? If you want to correct a child, 34:36 one correction for one problem. 34:40 Prepare the answer, end with affection 34:45 in a private room. Ah, that is right. 34:50 So if we want to correct a child, if 34:53 it's a mother, it should not be in 34:55 front of the father. Oh, how do we do 35:00 that? And likewise, if a father wants 35:04 to correct a child, it should not be in 35:06 front of the mother. He he. 35:10 The same applies if our child has an 35:12 older or younger sibling, it should not 35:15 be in front of their sibling. Why is 35:20 that not allowed, Bunda Nuning? 35:22 Or why is it not possible? Why? Because 35:28 a child has self-esteem. Now, that 35:32 becomes important. 35:34 So, a child is a human being. Created 35:39 by God, possessing dignity and worth 35:42 that must always be upheld. Including 35:46 children who are troubled. God willing, 35:51 by upholding their dignity, they will 35:58 repay us with the highest respect that 36:02 perhaps they have never shown to anyone 36:06 else, yet they show it to us. Imagine 36:10 that, Bunda, we 36:12 that is important to note. Then the 36:15 second, The second T is calm. Calm— 36:22 that composure of yours, Bunda Nuning, 36:25 with children is important. Even when a 36:29 child is tantruming, if they see that 36:33 their mother isn't reacting, or their 36:36 father isn't reacting to their actions. 36:40 Ah, eventually they will just get bored 36:44 on their own. So, if they cry and 36:48 aren't getting a response, they're just 36:50 left alone, right? No one cries for 36:53 weeks on end. Yes, 36:57 If a child is crying, it is very likely 37:02 they are thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable 37:07 , sleepy, or there is something they 37:11 want that isn't being fulfilled, but 37:15 they don't have a way to express it 37:19 through words or writing; the fastest 37:25 way is through crying. Or sometimes a 37:30 child meets their father, for example, 37:34 after a very long time, and they cry. 37:38 Now, that cry is, um, very emotional or 37:43 joyful. That happens often too. For 37:46 that, it's okay for you fathers and 37:48 mothers to try and, um, remember or 37:53 note the types of cries our children 37:56 have. That's important. Then the third, 38:02 what is the third T here, Bunda? Nuning 38:07 , it hasn't changed; it was consistency 38:10 earlier. So what was it again? 38:13 Consistent and continuous. And what is 38:20 also important for us to know together 38:27 in this parenting process. This is what 38:34 I need to remind you of again: being a 38:37 father and mother doesn't just, um, 38:39 happen by chance. What should we 38:45 prioritize as parents? We must know who 38:53 our child is. 38:55 Aha. That makes a child—we must trace 39:04 them from before birth, after birth, 39:08 then from waking up. until they go back 39:14 to sleep, we must know who our child 39:18 really is. That is the first thing, 39:21 Bunda Nuning. 39:23 So that when we accompany, guide, and 39:27 raise our children, it will be much 39:30 clearer. Second, we must know how our 39:36 child's growth and development is today 39:40 . Are there still fathers and mothers, 39:46 especially for children under 5, who 39:49 pay attention to their child's KIA book 39:53 ? Ah, 39:55 he, 39:57 checking the KIA book or the health 40:00 tracking card serves as our guide for 40:04 providing care. And then, what about 40:09 their developmental aspects? There are 40:14 six developmental aspects, right? Here 40:17 in Indonesia, first is their religious 40:23 and moral values. How are they? Are 40:27 they always grateful, or do they do 40:30 everything only because of God, or 40:33 because of their parents, or because of 40:36 their teacher? That is also something 40:39 we must ensure. Everything that the 40:43 child does should be only for Allah, 40:46 God Almighty. Then, this is what many 40:52 people often overlook, checking if our 40:57 children always ask for permission. Or 41:05 whether they always say thank you to us 41:09 as parents who are accompanying and 41:12 guiding them. That relates to morals. 41:19 Now, this becomes important. Then other 41:23 aspects of development will be an 41:27 addition. But the most primary ones are 41:31 these religious and moral values. 41:36 Because if we teach our children to do 41:41 everything only for Allah, God willing, 41:46 everything they do will be full of 41:50 sincerity and grace. The same applies 41:55 when they respond to or carry out the 41:59 instructions given by their father and 42:02 mother. And those morals become very 42:09 important to measure if our child 42:13 always asks, "Mother, may I ask whose 42:18 this is? Mother, is it okay if I want 42:22 to have this? Mother, may I take this? 42:31 They should always do this. And most 42:34 importantly, they should always say," 42:36 Thank you, Mother. "You have made me 42:39 delicious chili paste.""You have given 42:44 me clothes that are ironed and smell 42:48 fresh." Oh, that is very important. If 42:53 we no longer receive that from our 42:56 children, it means something is 42:58 happening with the parents who are no 43:01 longer reminding their children. This 43:06 becomes important. But no less 43:10 important, the last asset I want to 43:12 convey to you fathers and mothers at 43:15 home is 43:17 the 3 K's today, there are three. Now, 43:20 this is it, Nuning, first, let's 43:24 recognize our children's emotions. 43:30 Their emotions. We recognize our 43:34 children's emotions. When do we 43:36 recognize our children's emotions? 43:39 It's very simple. 43:42 From the moment they wake up, how are 43:45 they? That's when it starts, Are they 43:49 happy, angry, throwing things, or how 43:54 does their breathing sound? It really 44:00 helps to see if there is any 44:03 frustration or not. The question is, do 44:08 fathers and mothers pay attention to 44:11 this? 44:12 Yes. 44:15 If we are able to detect it early, God 44:19 willing, we will understand our 44:23 children's emotions better. What we 44:29 hope for is that they have positive 44:33 emotions. What if it's negative? In our 44:37 findings from researching resilience, 44:42 one method is calculating a child's 44:46 values. 44:48 Yes. 44:49 How many are positive, how many are 44:52 negative. If we have found several 44:55 positive traits in a child but there is 44:57 one negative one, we worry that the 45:00 positive could be damaged. Recognize 45:03 the emotions. Then the second, key 45:07 boundary. Third, key boundary. Ah, who 45:12 determines these boundaries, Mother 45:15 Nuning? If at home, these boundaries 45:19 must be reinforced by us, we ask the 45:26 child. For my own child, when they 45:31 wanted to do an activity back when they 45:33 were small, Bunda Nuning. 45:34 Yes, 45:36 they had to write it down. I am allowed 45:40 to do this, and I am not allowed to do 45:43 this. 45:43 Hm. So, the father doesn't need to 45:46 lecture about doing this. Are there 45:49 many prohibitions in our house like in 45:53 that park? Don't do this, don't do this 45:55 , don't do this. So how can a child 46:01 express the things that are allowed? 46:04 Well, for that, we make a list of what 46:07 is allowed, where the allowed list is 46:10 longer than the prohibited one. H 46:14 so that the child is able to explore 46:17 their talents and interests. They are 46:23 able to fully understand what is 46:26 expected by the people around them. We 46:31 have more things that we allow, which 46:33 we 46:33 introduce. 46:36 Then for prohibitions, we ask them, " 46:39 Try to think, what shouldn't you do?" 46:42 God willing, it will come out. "What I 46:45 shouldn't do is, um, leaving the house 46:49 without asking." Ah, that. "If I want 46:52 to eat or drink, I should consult with 46:56 Mom first.""Mom, can I eat this?" That 46:59 is what becomes important. "Can I go 47:03 here, Mom?""Can I sleep here, Mom?" Ah, 47:06 that is also important. Yes. Then, 47:10 lastly, give them a choice. Wow, 47:16 children are human beings, God's 47:19 creatures who are given choices. There 47:23 are only two choices, Bunda Nuning. 47:26 Yeah. Yeah. 47:26 The choice of going right or left. 47:30 Yes. 47:31 The good one or the 47:33 bad one? 47:34 Not good. Choices. But this is where 47:40 the role of the father and mother as 47:44 the first and primary educators is to 47:48 provide information. Ah, this is good 47:54 news. Good news. "Son, if you sleep on 47:58 time, God willing, you will wake up 48:01 refreshed." But if you sleep late, or 48:10 go to bed late, 48:13 he 48:15 you will surely wake up with a grumpy 48:18 face, pale or something. If you do your 48:23 homework on time, you will surely find 48:26 the shortcomings in your work and you 48:29 will get extra points from your teacher 48:32 . 48:35 But if you are late doing your homework 48:39 , you will be stressed and you won't be 48:43 able to review, reread, or fix it 48:46 anymore because there's no time. Where 48:51 does that all come from? Bunda Nuning, 48:53 it's 99.9%from the father and mother. 48:58 That's the duty. In Surah Al-Asr. That 49:05 is perhaps what we can convey in this 49:10 meeting regarding positive parenting 49:15 through non-violent discipline and 49:20 communication. that is safe. All of 49:26 this can be done by fathers and mothers 49:30 if we have the knowledge, the skills, 49:33 but no less importantly, the right 49:36 attitude. All of this will become the 49:42 competence of fathers and mothers as 49:46 the first and primary educators for our 49:50 children, whom we will prepare to 49:53 contribute to development, whether in 49:57 the family, the region, the country, 50:01 and no less importantly, for religion. 50:07 So that the children we hope for— 50:11 righteous sons and daughters— 50:13 according to their professions, we will 50:17 find them, God willing, when we are in 50:21 the hereafter; we will always receive 50:24 the transfer of Surah Al-Fatihah from 50:28 our children. That is all because of 50:32 the efforts we make with God's 50:35 permission. That is all. 50:37 Wassalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi 50:38 wabarakatuh. 50:39 Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi 50:41 wabarakatuh. So brothers and sisters, 50:45 if 99%are the rules enforced at home, 50:51 then ultimately, as long as children 50:58 are under our care, 80%is shaped by how 51:02 we treat them, right? And from what has 51:07 been conveyed, which part do you think 51:10 is the most difficult? Creating 51:15 enforced rules, or making our voice 51:18 sound pleasant when conveying something 51:22 ? Well, it also depends on our habits 51:28 at home. As asked by, where was it 51:32 again? Ah, Mrs. Ida, please provide 51:38 some insight. She said, "Mama is 51:41 annoying, I'm upset," her child is in 51:44 5th grade. What should I do? "Even 51:46 though I spoke gently when telling them 51:49 , they still called me annoying." Oh my 51:51 . 51:53 Alright, thank you to the mothers at 51:55 home who have interesting experiences 51:58 with their children. The first step you 52:04 need to pay attention to or note down. 52:10 When the child was in your womb. Do you 52:16 still remember? Ah, that is your 52:18 behavior when our child was in the womb 52:21 . If you did many positive things, God 52:26 willing, positive things will come out. 52:30 Then, if you get a response like that 52:33 from your child, take note of it. Try 52:37 to pay attention to that. Then the 52:39 second thing at certain times, perhaps 52:47 our child is at a high level of 52:51 frustration, and we give them many 52:55 orders. It is also important for us to 53:01 trace how to reduce this. Find time to 53:07 be with our children when both are in a 53:12 state of full joy. Yes, maybe your 53:15 investment is baking cookies that our 53:19 children love. 53:21 From there, we start to talk to them. 53:25 Wow, a 2-year-old child can be talked 53:28 to; even a child still in the womb can 53:31 be talked to, let alone one already in 53:33 the world. The point is to talk to them 53:38 . Ah, let's talk. "Mommy would be very 53:44 happy if what I convey later is 53:48 followed, but what do you think, dear?" 53:54 Ah, we ask them. Then this morning, 53:59 Mommy noted, why was there something 54:02 that made you upset, and then you took 54:06 it out on Mommy? What is actually going 54:10 on? When can we do that? It's allowed. 54:15 If you still take the child, if you 54:17 still bathe them often, you can chat 54:19 with them at 54:21 that moment. Or while 54:24 they are changing clothes or getting 54:27 their hair combed, that can be a time 54:31 to give information. But make sure if 54:34 they are in a rush to play with friends 54:37 , don't force it, like combing 54:39 for a long time. That, reflexively, we 54:43 tend to pull their hair, which makes 54:47 the child feel uncomfortable too. 54:50 That's discrimination, you know. 54:54 Discrimination. So it's not necessary 54:56 to compare things, that's interesting. 55:03 Mothers, have you ever had an 55:04 experience where you were combing your 55:06 child's hair and they wanted to go play 55:07 , so they were in a rush? 55:08 Yes. Especially when they are being fed 55:11 , right? Uh, the snack has been made 55:16 delicious. What was that? 55:19 But still 55:20 but why is he in a hurry to leave? 55:22 Because what's inside them at that 55:27 moment is playing, not eating. Well, we 55:31 must find the right time when the child 55:34 is about to sleep to provide motivation 55:37 for the next day. However, for today's 55:41 reflection, it's at Maghrib. Ah, at 55:44 Maghrib, leading up to Isha, there is 55:47 plenty of time, right? Surely you've 55:52 finished cooking, finished ironing, 55:55 perhaps done many things. Basically, 56:00 just worshiping Allah. Ah, use that 56:03 moment when the child may have finished 56:06 their homework or not, right, Bunda 56:08 Ning? 56:10 Yes. 56:12 Communicate and find the cause, maybe 56:15 they got it from YouTube? 56:20 Or from their friends, from TV shows, 56:25 or from whom? That is what we then need 56:30 to correct. We must be firm. Firm 56:35 doesn't mean hurting. 56:39 Yes. Actually, our time is really tight 56:43 now. Just a comment. I heard earlier 56:47 that a nation's failure is the parents 56:49 'responsibility. Wow, corruption is 56:52 rampant, is this the parents' fault 56:54 then? Okay. Um, brothers and sisters. 56:58 We really know how to correct, as 57:01 mentioned, just one issue at a time. 57:04 Don't pile things up when correcting, 57:06 or the child will be confused. And if 57:10 we must convey something, it should be 57:12 clear, calm, and consistent, as 57:15 mentioned in those specific points, it 57:18 is extraordinary. Unfortunately, our 57:21 time is at the end, closing statement, 57:24 please Dr. Hamid. Right, thank you, 57:27 fathers and mothers. Being the first 57:32 and primary educator is a gift or 57:36 position from Allah to every parent. 57:42 For that, fathers and mothers, we must 57:45 ensure we have the knowledge, the 57:48 skills, and the attitude. All that 57:52 doesn't just come by itself. But must 57:56 be learned. Where to learn from? From 58:02 books. But the most important one, this 58:04 is what matters most. Because humans 58:08 are full of rules. Rules are made by 58:12 Allah, found in the Quran. Please read 58:16 the Quran. Find the essence, like Surah 58:20 Luqman, it's very important. Most 58:24 importantly, also Surah Al-Asr for the 58:26 sake of 58:28 time. Then secondly, equally important, 58:33 we need to study the Seerah of the 58:37 Prophets. There is a lot of knowledge 58:40 we will gain. Likewise with the Seerah 58:43 of the companions. But to be more firm, 58:48 we study the Hadiths related to 58:51 parenting; there are many. Then, 58:56 equally important, international law. 59:00 If we focus on emphasizing 59:02 international law and there is also a 59:05 foundation in national law, study and 59:08 read it. By mastering that, we are 59:13 actually passing on a wealth of 59:15 knowledge to our children. But this is 59:20 what we must ensure, children love to 59:28 see or learn how adults solve problems. 59:33 If problems are solved wisely, God 59:36 willing, our children will become wise 59:39 children as well. And all of that is 59:42 highly determined. By the parents ' 59:45 responsibility as educators. A child's 59:49 main task is to forget. A parent's duty 59:54 is to always remind them. Remind them 59:58 of the good news and the warnings from 1:00:01 Allah. This is perhaps all that I can 1:00:04 convey. May Allah always give us light 1:00:08 so that we, who are already gentle 1:00:11 today, become even gentler toward our 1:00:14 children. That is all. May the peace, 1:00:17 mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon 1:00:19 you. 1:00:19 And may the peace, mercy, and blessings 1:00:21 of Allah be upon you. Thank you, Dr. 1:00:23 Hamid and all the brothers and sisters 1:00:25 in this month filled with blessings. 1:00:28 Hopefully, we will ask more questions 1:00:30 and seek our children's opinions, which 1:00:33 can help their growth and development 1:00:36 much better. Once again, thank you. May 1:00:39 success and guidance be with you. May 1:00:40 the peace, mercy, and blessings of 1:00:41 Allah be upon you. 1:00:42 And unto you, peace. 
